Not Who I Was... But Not Who I'm Suppose to Be

A Lesson I didn't expect

2010-01-17T18:25:00.000-08:00

I started this post back about a week or so after my last post. Can that really be 6 months ago. Life goes by so quickly, I'm not even sure who'll read this post but I thought I'd write anyway. This last few months has been filled with lot's of activities, joy, and trials.

The day after we got back from our very fun filled trip to Disneyland, I landed in the emergency room with a new complication to my on going chronic illness. This newest complication was something that we hadn't experienced and we were faced with many unknowns. One of the things I do when I'm faced with a new trial in my life is ask Brett to take me to the beach. Something about the beach brings me close to God, sitting in the middle of the sand and watching his power displayed in the ocean it just brings me peace.

This visit was a bit different though. Back in August part of my complications was my right lung cavity filled with fluid and I couldn't breathe very well. So instead of my walk I usually take I sat and took pictures of my husband and daughter play in the waves. It gave me joy to watch them, because seeing the bond between them is such a gift for all 3 of us.

It wasn't until I got home until and looked through the photos that I discovered a lesson from God. At first the pictures showed me how Brinn had grown to love and trust Brett.....

When they first met Brinn was very cautious about her trust with Brett. She allowed very little contact. Then over time she would sit closer to him and even put his hand on his leg or maybe hold his hand. Testing to see how he would respond.

Then as time passed she began to sit in his lap, or asking him to play with her by wrestling or playing tug a war. Brett always allowing her to ask for the contact never pushing his love on her.

Then came the day when she started to hug him, and asking him to carry her, even to the point of falling asleep while he carried her or as she slept on his lap.

Then the day came, when she started to run to him and hug him, the day she asked him if she told him she just wanted to call him Daddy. Over the years she has grown closer and now knows her earthly father was given to her by God and the he will do whatever he can to protect her and love her. That even though she's not his biologically that she's his daughter not just by adoption but by the love in his heart for her.

When I saw these pictures I first thought what a beautiful picture of how they have grown together, and was thanking God for answering a prayer beyond what I could have ever imagined. Then God spoke softly and sweetly to me, "do you see the other picture I'm showing you. Look again there is something more in those pictures." I stared at these pictures there it was the lesson God was showing me.

This was my relationship with God. When I first came to the Lord, I was in turmoil, a new Christian with no understanding really of who and how powerful our God is. (I'm still learning that) So I reached out to him cautiously but desperately hoping he would respond to my cries. As my relationship has grown with God he's patiently waited as I learned to trust an rely on him, and learning how to rest in him.

Honestly it's something I learn to do everyday. The fall came with many new challenges for us. Brinn's little school suddenly had to make changes into the teaching staff right before school, sending a wave of unsure time through the kids, and the parents. Then October and November brought Brett 3 root canals and one of them abscessed causing him great amounts of pain. Which forced us into a spot of having to bring Brett through a time of using pain killers in a way that was safe. Not to mention the amount of money that those can cost and no dental insurance. God was faithful and carried us over those trials. Christmas quiet and fun, then New Years morning was an unexpected challenge arose. I ended up being taken from the house in an ambulance and was admitted to the hospital for a ruptured blood vessel in my esophagus and what given a transfusion for blood loss, as well as being in the hospital for 4 days.

So as I sat home, and recovering from my second surgical procedure to repair the damaged vein, I kept thinking of these pictures. Especially the last one, I just need to run into God's arms and let him lift me above the waves. He has blessed me in amazing ways, Brett, Brinn and I had so much support we couldn't have asked for anything more. Brinn always has safe and loving people who will pick her up, take her over night, spend time with her. Even her sweet friends running up to me and telling me they were glad to see me and asking me if I'd be okay. That Brinn could come stay overnight at there house too. Friends bringing soup, praying for us, checking on Brett. Of course our family here at the drop of a hat.

I'm not sure what trial you maybe facing but I know that God is waiting for you to run into His arms so He can hold you and keep you safe. The trial doesn't always go away. My health has been a trial for 9 years this month, one that God has been right by my side through. For whatever reason he has chosen to leave this illness in my life. I've learned to not ask God for reasons, just to ask that he use it to glorify Him, and when that time is done that He remove this disease from my body.

So hear is my verse I keep it close to me, may it bring you peace.

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.

He cares for those who trust in him... Nahum 1:7

Be back soon,

Carol

Wow that was a long break.

2009-10-27T21:24:00.000-07:00

Hello all my dear friends in bloggy land. I'm sorry I've been away for so long. I meant to post at least once a month this summer, but life just seemed to go a bit crazy. Thank you so much for the prayers for my cousin Hugh and his wife Michelle.

Hugh is doing amazingly well. It has been such an unbelievable journey, and this accident has changed the life he and Michelle thought they were going to have, but they have been strong holding each other together, and have a simply wonderful group of people surrounding them with love. Sadly my cousin along with many other broken bones, lost his leg from the knee down, but has so much determined it makes the doctors amazed. Please continue to pray for him and his wife. They still have a long road of physical therapy, and learning to live this new life. This is the website of his story and the journal of his recovery if you would like to here more about his story. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/hughster This is Brinn with her cousin Hugh. There have a special bond they share the same birthday. This was taken at a BBQ that Hugh and Michelle through for Hugh's village on October 18th. That was a group of friends and family that brought meals, and did many other things so that Michelle could concentrate on Hugh and his care.

Hugh told Brinn yesterday that they needed to have a big birthday bash next year, since he didn't get to celebrate his this year. She's also excited because Hugh said he'd teach her to fish. I'm not sure if she realizes that includes live bait or not. This next photo is my cousin Deanna, another amazing story, and one of my inspirations. She's Hugh's sister, and then me on the other side. Deanna is a couple months younger than me, and we are 3 of 4 younger set of cousins in my family. Sadly Darcy lives in Florida, so we don't have her in this shot. But she promised on Facebook next summer to come visit.

So after Brinn's birthday which was the last entry, Brinn went off to camp for a week. It was her first ever stay overnight camp. It's called Camp Hammer, she had fun and still talks about it. the jury is still out on if she wants to do it again. It's a Christian Camp up in the Santa Cruz Mountains, and she did great. She went there without knowing a sole, and ended with some fun memories and friends.

This is Brinn with the Pastor from Camp first thing she told us was how awesome he was. "Daddy you'd like him he's as good as Dr. McArthur" She told us all about the story of Joseph the subject he taught on through the whole week, was Faith. Brinn's favorite activity was the night games. She loved them.

It was also the first time ever for Brett and I to have a week completely by ourselves. Being a premade family, you forget that not everyone starts out with a child. So what did we do. Well Brett got this done. It's his one and only tattoo, but he'd been wanting one for a long time. I designed it. It's been interesting to see the reactions. Leo the tattoo artist pumped it up from my drawing, he made the cross all rugged. Some people just stare at it, some people just have to ask what is that word. "Tetelestai" John 19:30. Brett loves when people ask. He tells them it's what Jesus cried out on the cross before He gave up His Spirit, it means "It Is Finished". Jesus took on all sin of the world and finished Satan's hold on us, when He gave His life on the cross for you and me. It's very interesting to see peoples reaction to Brett's boldness. He's already thinking about the next one for the other arm. In answer to the next question No, I didn't get one. At least not yet *wink*. The rest of the time we went to dinner, went for a bike ride, took the dog for walks, and watched movies.

July was filled with various activities of day camps, one in which our church put on besides VBS, which was amazing in itself. This Adventure Camp, Brinn was a secret agent the first day, a painter the second, a scientist the third, a photo journalist the fourth, and on the fifth day she was a rock star. Her and her friends were able to record a song at our churches recording studio, and all the kids got a copy of the CD made. Pretty cool. I also took Brinn and her very special buddy Olivia for an overnight to the Embassy Suites, we celebrated Brinn's 10th birthday. They loved running around the hotel, swimming in the indoor pool, jumping on the beds, and the indoor gardens. Getting stuffies didn't hurt either.

Brinn took a big step out of her comfort zone this year. She's always gone to the same Summer Program at the school she goes to every year, this year we wanted her to try new and different things. So besides the big jump to Camp Hammer, she also broke through her stage fright. She went to a 3 week drama camp. Our families pastor wife Michelle, has an amazing gift in this and directs children's musicals for one of the school districts here. With her help we convinced Brinn to try the drama camp, and be in the Jungle Book Kids, Musical. Well not only did she perform in the background jungle animals, but she got the part of Shanti, the girl that takes Mowgli into the man village. She surprised us by her performance along with all the friends and family who came. She had a great time, and they worked really hard. It was very impressive, that the show these kids put on was put together in 3 weeks. They practiced 6 hours a day 5 days a week for 3 weeks. Here are a couple pics of her with us and her friend, and one with her director Michelle McCormick.

The next morning we left for our big event of the summer a family vacation. A real vacation, a go away and stay in a hotel vacation. The key thing was, we didn't tell Brinn our destination, all she new is we were going down to Southern California. The only thing we did tell her was we were going to go listen to Dr. John McArthur at Grace Community Church, her response was "That'll be interesting, are we going to do anything fun?" We told her their was an amusement park we may go to, and then we'd just see how the rest would go.

So here she is on our road trip down to So. Cal. She had no clue that our real destination was Disneyland. We drove right past it she was so wrapped up in what she was watching she didn't even see it, and when we got into the hotel lobby (and it was an extremely inexpensive hotel) she was very disappointed in the hotel. Then she was even more disappointed by the room, which I have to agree smelled funny. So we unloaded the car packed our backpacks, and headed to dinner. She saw all the banners celebrating Disneyland's 50th birthday, and as we walked right past Disneyland and the entrance, her mood went from a bit disappointed to bummed out. At that point we thought she'd figure it out, but she'd asked before school got out if we could go to Disneyland and we told her we couldn't afford it. So in her mind there was probably no way that we could go.

Then I told her she could pick anywhere she wanted to go and eat for dinner. Turning her toward Disneyland and said anywhere (except McDonald's) so guess where she picked. If you said Disneyland you were wrong. Captain Kid's Buffet, yep standing across from Disneyland she picks possibly the worst restaurant we've ever eaten at (should have let her pick McDonald's). Brett and I just looked at each other shrugged our shoulders and in we went. So finally after sitting down and eating, we decided to let her in on the plan. This is how the conversation went.

Me: Boo, Dad called ahead, and it turns out Dr. John McArthur is not in town this week, so we can't go see him speak. (we really were going to go on the Sunday if he was there)

Brinn: Oh, that's sad, I was kinda looking forward to actually seeing him instead of just listening to him on the computer.

Me: Really, your disappointed.

Brinn: Uh huh I like him. Mom this food is gross.

Me: Yeah, don't eat it if you don't like it. So anyway we came up with a back up plan. Dad and I got tickets to spend 5 Days in Disneyland instead. I hope that's okay.

Brinn: (Eyes really big) Serious, Oh my gosh you are the greatest parents ever.

Me: You didn't really think we'd take you stay in a grubby little hotel right across from Disneyland, and not take you did you.

Dad: Yeah, what kinda parent would do that.

Brinn: Well I thought we couldn't afford to go. So when are we going? Are we going in the morning?

Me: Nope, we are going right now, as soon as your done with dinner.

Brinn: Yes! you guys are the best, I'm done let's go!

Dad: (singing) We're going to Disneyland.

Brinn: Daaaad, someone might hear you.

Somethings don't change.

So here are some highlights.

Now there is a story behind the Star Wars pics. Brett is a huge Star Wars fan, everyone who knows us knows this. I was too, it just didn't carry quite so heavily into adult hood for me. We even played the theme music from the Throne room scene at the end of the original movie at our wedding as we walked back down the aisle together. Anyway Brinn has grown up with Star Wars everywhere in our house. She loves it, along with a few of her friends. So the first ride we went on was Star Tours (which is a Star Wars ride) Brinn's favorite part of the park is Tomorrow Land. She wanted nothing to do with the princesses, or being in Fantasy Land with all the classic Disney stuff. It was Star Tours, and Space Mountain every day. The back pack is her favorite souvenir. Yes it's R2D2, let me tell you she wore that thing everyday, and everyone commented on it. She only wanted a mickey mouse shirt with him as a Jedi and we all three had to get mini light sabers. Mine's purple. The pictures with Darth Vader, and the Storm Trooper were the only two characters she was interested in standing and waiting for. The others well "mom the lines are two long."

So there you have it how I spent my summer. It was busy, and vacation was a blast. On a last note I did end up in the ER twice after we got home from Disneyland. My liver disease developed two more complications, and it was a rough go around for us, but God as always speaks through the good and the difficult. I'll save that for another post. So I hope to get back to blogging more regularly now, you can keep up with me to on Facebook.

Blessings to you all. Talk to you soon. I'll be around to check up on your blogs soon.

Carol

My Little Girl Turned 10 Today / Urgent Prayer for my cousin

2009-06-24T22:11:00.000-07:00

***Prayer Request, please pray for my cousin Hugh, he was in a serious motorcycle accient today. It's also his birthday, he's in the hospital having emergency surgery they are trying to save his leg. He also has a broken arm, and broken ribs. Thankfully his head seems to be free from injury and no internal bleeding was found. He and his wife Michelle just got married, please pray strength for her as well****

Today was my sweet Brinn's bithday. Yes 10 years ago I was blessed by God with the gift of a beautiful baby girl. Have I ever told you that Brinn's name has the meaning of Salvation. I picked it out before I even knew the Lord, but God knew. He also knew that my love for my baby girl would bring me to love and finally understand the great gift He sent to us in His son Jesus.

So here she is a newborn (sorry about the photo quality the first few pictures are scrapbook pages, and Brinn was born before I had a digital camera) She weighed in at 8lbs even and 21.5 inches long. Eighteen hours of hard labor, and then an emergency C-Section. She was face up and the cord around her neck, but she came out screaming and then peed on the nurse. (One of Brinn's favorite stories.)

She's about 4 months old in the picture above.

Brinn going to the pool at about 13 months old.

And those everyday moments from about the age of 2.

Then we move on to the age of about 5. Brinn loves the beach.

Brinns many stages of loosing those baby teeth.
So just a few blast from the past with Brinn now to todays event. I picked up Brinn from VBS at church at 12. Brinn was super excited, because she new we were going to take her to lunch, and she'd finally get to open her presents. We've been telling her that we hoped she likes the socks and underwear we got her. She kept saying "you did not get me socks and underwear." (hehe)

This is Brett and Brinn and the Peninsula Creamery in Palo Alto. It's been around since 1928, and as a side not it is not a Weight Watcher friendly menu. So much for my extra points this week. Below is the 3 of us. Brinn just started in on her presents.
Brinn's favorite color is green. She loves it and wants everything in Green. She's been asking for a Nintendo DS for about a year, and finally convinced me that she would actually play it. The part she didn't like was that they don't come in green. Silver, black, red, blue, and pink but no green. So around April sometime Brett and I were in Target (love that place), and low and behold Nintendo brought out a limited addition Green (the exact neon green she loves) DS, and it came with a case and a cooking game. So we bought it and shoved it in our secret hiding place, and waited for her birthday. So the first gifts she opened were her DS, and the two other games we got her. She was so excited, and had it out of the box and playing it before the food arrived.

So here is the next part of the story. On Easter break Brinn decided that she wanted to save up money for an ipod nano. So she started working on filing and different things in my office, when she's been at work with me. She'd saved up $60.00, plus had about another $25.00 or so she'd saved up for. Then she started getting birthday money, and she'd figured out pretty quick that she'd save enough for her ipod. So here is the kicker, Brett had a really big side job, and decided that she'd done a good job saving, so we bought her the green (of course and yes she's spoiled) ipod nano. Brett for the last 2 weeks has been sneaking her CD's in the house and uploading them to her ipod, and then adding some digital copies of movies for it.

So since she was so sure she wasn't getting socks and undies for her birthday, guess what I ran out and got today. Yep socks and undies. So after we ate we asked Brinn is she wanted to open the rest of her presents, she said yes. We usually get her small things like CD's, toys, you know the usuall. But this was her reaction when she opended the first present on the top of the bag.

As Brinn would say "Oh no you didn't" Oh yes I did undies, she was really not happy but, I said look honey they are wedgie proof. .
So the next present was a couple of little cami bras and a tank top. She wasn't quite as upset as she was about the undies. I reminded her that we must be greatful for all things large, small and especially the everyday things we are blessed to have.

Then she opened her next gift which was a S.F. Giants hat girl style. Which she loved. Brinn loves hats, I think she got that from my brother. The hat I wrapped in a dog food box, she looked a bit confused when she saw that. So there was one gift left, I asked her if she liked the hat, "oh yeah mom it's cool, and thankfully it's not socks, I hate socks". This is true, she's never liked them not even as a baby. Brinn would wear flip flops in the rain, she only wears socks, because I make her wear them with her tennies, which she'll only wear if required.

So we pull out the next and last gift. She feels it it's soft and squishy. She says "it's clothes". Well she was half right, then she opened it and found yep socks. "Socks!", then the socks fell open. I had shoved the iPod between the two pairs of socks. She was super excited, sadly my camera froze at the moment, but this one is still a good shot. (see the socks on the table)

So here she is with her new hat, and her iPod, getting ready to watch Phineas and Ferb.

Totaly zoned in walking to the car watching her show.

So what you may ask did she buy with her money. Well she bought a case to protect her iPod and keep it from getting scratched, she bought the new Jonas Brother's CD, and of course what every non girly-girl, buys a second Castle Legos battleship. She still has money left and a couple of gift cards. So we'll see.

What blessed my heart tonight though was when she prayed. We always remind her that everything we have has been gifted to us by the Lord. So tonight she thanked God for her birthday presents, and that He made them in green for her, because He knew that she would like them that way, because you created me and you know everything about me. It was a special day for us, and for Brinn.

Thanks for sharing it with us.

Love,

Carol

What's in Your Heart?

2009-06-12T10:18:00.001-07:00

Monday night was my daughter's school awards night. I have mixed feelings about the whole awards night thing. I see the positive & negative in it.
Brinn has received different awards for different things most improved in math, most improved in handwriting, Bible Memory verse, but the one that thrills my heart is the fact that she cosistently gets Good Citezenship, in fact she has a stack of them.
That is the award she is holding up from Monday. Brinn however was disapointed because she didn't receive any Academic awards this time.
She said Mom " I always get this, I wanted most improved in social studies." As her mom I can understand and agree she works hard sometimes until 9pm on her homework and studying for tests. She gets A's & B's in most everything with 1 C that pops in just brining her shy of the Honor Roll, this frustrates her to no end. . So what's a mom to do? Every year I watch as Brinn she feels failure not motivation for not getting the academic recgonition she works so hard to get.
This past year Brinn has grown spiritually with the Lord in her understanding of how great God is. So I asked her right before I took this photo, what do you think God looks at? (She was so sad, it broke my heart.) Your knowledge of what year the French & Indian war was or that you respect your teacher, classmates and are known to be a friend to all? Her answer was " how I treat people." So I reminded her that it's not the knowledge we have in our head, but the Love we have in our heart for God and for others. I told her doing well in school is important, but loving others, that Is what is most important to God. Then she smiled and was happy about her award. So far my Brinn's excels in loving others. I'm so proud of her.

So this is what I've been up to lately.

2009-06-05T19:02:00.000-07:00

Hi all my sweet friends. Let me say first that I've missed you all. I've missed reading your blogs, writting to you all, doing my online studies, and the encouragment I get from reading your thoughts and stories of how God is working in your lives. If you would have told me I'd be a part of the blogging world just 2 years ago, I would have laughed. Well God works in mysterious ways. So this post has a ton of pictures.

So we start with my friends the frogs. They came to me for a scrapbook circle journal of sorts. For those of you who are not into the scrapbook world and forums (my other virtual life) this is where you join a group and send albums and other items around and have people either scrap on a subject in your album, or like this one take the idea of a flat stanely and send frogs around the states and take pictures with them.

Meet Jumps and Hopps. They came to us just in time for Palm Sunday and Easter. They are also from a family of Christians so they were excited to spend Easter in worship. So they got to save their Palms from Palm Sunday.

Then of course they had to go with us to celebrate the Resurection and join our church family for our traditional pancake breakfast.

Then for a little vacation we went up to Cambridge Park, to visit my Father in Law, and we took Brinn gold panning. This man is one of the top Gold Panners in California, and he teaches kids to Gold Pan. He's been on several tv shows, and was super sweet. We are at Sutter's mill. Brinn did get some gold, but she also got a bunch of Garnets too.

This is myself, Brett's dad "Luecker", Brett and Brinn and the Gold panning store.

The store is right along the American River. Did I forget to mention that Hops and Jumps got to go Gold Panning too at the American River. They really love being near the water. For those of you who don't remember your California History. The American River and Sutter's Mill is the sight where John Marshall discovered Gold in California, and that started the Gold Rush, and opened up the Mill for logging.

So that was April, along with Brett's birthday and the event of moving the home theater which I blogged about previously. Then May ramped up with something it seems on a weekly basis. On May 4th my cousin Darcy came home for a visit from Florida. We grew up together 2 blocks away from each other for awhile, and went to school together from 2nd grade through 8th grade. The last time I saw her Brinn was about 3 months old.

We met up in Redwood City with our other cousins. The 4 of us in the picture were the 4 youngest grandkids. We hadn't all been together for easily 1991 at the same time. We use to all see each other pretty regularly as kids. So from left to right is me, my cousing Hugh, Darcy, and Deanna. Deanna and Hugh are brother and sister, and even though he's the biggest he's the youngest. Us 3 girls were all born in 1964, and Hugh in 1966.

This is a picture of some more cousins. Hugh's new wife Michelle, Hugh, me, Laura (Hugh and Deanna's sister) Darcy, my older brother Paul, Deanna who is holding her two younger daughter's and the little boy is her grandson. The girl next to Darcy is her daughter Natalie who just finished her 1st year of collage, and of course you all know my Brinn.

Oh yes to complitcate matters we decided that next day after the reunion, to repaint our living room. That was an all day Saturday event. So here are the before paint pictures, but after the theater was moved into the living room.

The room with the purple in it, that's my scraproom/craft room. Suppose to be a dinning room, but oh well.

Now the after. We now have dark brown ultra suede curtains up over the windows too.

The wall with the screen is a dark choclate brown. We are really happy with the way it turned out. And as an added bonus it matches our dog.

The brown blends well with my purple walls, and I know have green curtains over the windows in my scrapbook room. That match the accent color in my room. It's my favorite color combo.

Then as a side note. The weekend before and the Sunday after we painted my niece Amy came over and we worked on her Senior Year scrapbook. It was the 3rd weekend we dedicated to it, and we still have more to go. It's turning out awesome and I get to live vicarously through her. We seem to get more creative between the hours of midnight at 2 am. We also have great talks. I told her I wouldn't put this picture on Facebook, but I didn't say anything about my blog. hehe.

Well let's not forget Mother's day. So this is mother's day. We drove up to San Ramon, and had chinese food with my mom, sister and her family, and my sister inlaw and brother. My other brother was with his mother in law. He saw mom in the morning.

This is mom with 3 of her 4 kids. Myself, my sister Phyllis, and my brother Paul. I should have photoshoped my brother Gary in.

Of course me and Brinn. And then one of the 3 of us. It's a mircle when I can get a picture of Brett outside without his sunglasses on.

For mother's day Brinn took me to build a bear. She made me a bear. It was so cute she kept saying things like "What bear do you want, think about an outfit for her mommy, and don't forget to pick her name"

So now my bear Honeypie is married to Brett's bear (she made him 3 father's day ago) Beary Bonds, and they sit in the living room by the theater equipment. Aren't they the cutest couple.

The next night, Brinn made dinner with Brett's help for me. They bbq'd chicken and made veggies and potatoes. Brinn made the center piece out of her monkey collection. This was a combo mother's day and act of service she was challenged to do by her teacher on Family Nights at church.

Saturday May 16th was mine and Brett's 6 year wedding anniversary. Brinn spent the day and night with our friends and we went t Monteray Bay for the day. Brett saw a guy with a big beast of a camera, and asked him to take a picture of the two of us. The guy gave me a mini lesson on setting my camera for being outside, and took this picture of us. His name was Eddie, such a nice guy.

We also took Nakita to the beach with us. It was her first time at the ocean. She decided that salt water is not very good when you are thirsty.

Nakita has issues when it comes to other dogs, so Brett just picks her up when she gets crazy, and she mellows out. She really is such an odd dog.

Oh yes and my new haircut. The other celebration for me that weekend was it was my 10 year rebirthday. On May 17th, 1999 I surrendered my all to God and have been completely in love with Jesus ever since. It was a special day. We actually celebrated communion at church that day (which is usually the first of Sunday of the month) because we are going through the book of Mark, and had come upon the section of the last supper. We had extra worship time, and it was like God planned it as a reminder for all He's brought me through, and all He rescued me from. It was an awesome time.

Now this lovely couple is my cousin Hugh and his wife Michelle. They were in the earlier reunion pictures. They had their wedding on May 23rd. So much fun and so beautiful. I sadly don't have the picture of them ridding off on his Harley together, but there is one of Brinn standing by it at the end. Hugh and Michelle actually got married in December when we found out that his mom, my Aunt Sylvia only had a couple of weeks to live. They had a private ceremony (which I was blessed to be apart of) so my Aunt could see her baby boy get married. Michelle is the proud wearer now of my Grandmother's wedding ring. We are so happy to have her as part of our family.

This is Brett and I at the wedding.

My cousin Deanna and I dancing. She was a bridesmaid at the wedding.

Of course the 3 of us at the wedding.

The cousins from my Mom, and my Aunt Sylvia. Just the first branch and not even all of them. We have a huge family, and it's growing and growing. Most of us still live in the area too. Sadly none of us have a house big enough to hold us all.

This is my big sister Phyllis.

This is my immediate family. Starting in the front my sister in law Jill who's married to my brother Gary, then you have my sister Phyllis across from her is my sister in law Janice, and then next is my brother in law Don and across from him my brother Paul.

And last but not least is Brinn standing in front of my cousins Harley, yes she rode it with her wedding dress on. I have to get a picture from them on this. Don't you love the helmet with the vail. So much fun.

So these are the highlights of the last couple months. We also had other things going on as well. Brett and I started taking a class at church called the "The Call" it's to help you find how God wants to use you and the things in your life to reach people and build the kingdom. It's been interesting, and time consuming.

We are also gearing up for summer, June comes with end of school, Brinn's birthday, this year my niece's HS Graduation, VBS, and Brinn getting ready to go off to summer camp for a week for the first time. (please keep her in your prayers as she knows no one who's going). This weekend it's off to San Ramon to watch my niece's senior class take over the church service at their church, and then lunch with my mom.

So I'll say good night for now, I'm off to a Women's Dessert for church. Been saving all my weight watchers points for tonight. YUMMY.

Be blessed my friends. I'm going to try and make the rounds to read and catch up with you all.

Love,

Carol

Thank you Dad! Thank you to our soliders!

2009-05-25T21:35:00.000-07:00

This is the day we all need to remember that many of the men in our life, and the lives of others served to keep our country safe. I share with you a picture of my dad Donald R. Anderson. This is during WWII. My dad would have been in his early 20's. Separated from all the comforts of home, he was stationed in Greenland, I believe.

My father served in WWII and the Korean War. My dad spent a total of 4 years in Korea some prewar, where he left my mom shortly after they married, and then when my brother's and sisters were little. Dad spent 20 years in the Army, traveled with and without his family, and retired a couple years before I was born. He was a Cheif Warrent Officer in charge of weapons. This means he and his men followed the front line and supplied the with the weapons they needed to do their jobs, it also means he came upon the aftermath of all the battles. The position my father held, gave him a blood disordered, brought on by exposure to improperly contained chemical weapons. (yes they had them back then) This blood disease contributed to his early death. So in a different way he gave his life for our country.

My father in law, served in the Viet Nam War, which I'm sure has left many memories to contend with for him. My brothers, and two nephews have all served in the military. Some during peace time, and my one nephew recently out of the Army in Iraq. I have cousins who's sons have served in both Iraq, and Afghanistan, one of them gave his life in Iraq. Brinn's best friends brother is now preparing to be posted in Iraq, and we pray for his safety. Many friends, and their children are serving our country and I can not express the gratefulness I have for them and their families for the sacrifices made by them.

I hear a lot of negative talk about this country, and yes we need to pray for our country. God has richly blessed this nation, and by His grace and mercy he has allowed us to live in a nation that is about freedom, and that freedom is upheld by God, and our soldiers. So despite your opinions on politics, or the war, please remember to lift up our soldiers and their families in prayer, they give up so much to protect us. Many miss the birth of their children, seeing first steps, hearing first words, wedding aniversary's, birthdays, holidays, or saying goodbye to a loved one when their time on Earth is done. They need our love, they need to know we care for them, when you see one tell them thank you. Ask them if you can have their name to pray for their safety. Let them know they are not forgotten.

Thank you to all the men and women out their who either serve in our military or have a loved one who does. May God protect and cover each and everyone of you with his mighty hand, and give your strength, courage, and peace.

Carol

I'll be back soon my friends.

2009-05-22T23:40:00.001-07:00

(photo by me)

Hi to all my peeps in blogland,

I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still here and all is well. We've just hit one of those times where life seems so busy that you never have time to sit, and do much of anything. Wow and summer hasn't even started.

I'll be posting an update with many photos, soon very soon. I miss my blog buddies, I miss reading my study, and I miss reading all my friends blogs.

Okay enough whining. I have my Jesus, and he's blessed our family with some mighty love these last 3 weeks.

So stay tuned. I'm nearing my 100th post, and there maybe a give away coming up.

Be blessed my friends.

Carol

ABC of the Word - I

2009-04-28T11:40:00.001-07:00

I am catching up on my ABC's of the Word. Only a mere 3 weeks behind, remember to go check out our hostess Pat at Grey Like Snuffie

"I"

I will walk amoung you: I will be your God, and you will be my people."

Leviticus 26:12 NLT

This verse is of great comfort to me, it reminds me that God is always walking with me through all my days filled with peace and my days filled with trials. That the Almighty God sees me as His.

Love,

Carol

Family Matters - Chapter 5

2009-04-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

I'm slowly catching up on my posts for Tuesday's Yes to God Book Study. I'm actually in the same week as the chapter. Next week I will hopefully be closer to on time. So if this is your first visit to my blog. Welcome. Yes to God is hosted by Lelia at Write From the Heart, you can cruise over to her blog and see other's thoughts on the book too. The book you may have guessed is An Untroubled Heart by Micca Campbell you can stop by her sight as well.

So let's start this chapter addressed our fears as it relates to our family. Okay I know I say I find tons in every chapter, but this one I think Micca wrote it for me. In the beginning she shares a prayer she wrote in her journal asking God to care and protect her children, and she expresses her great love for her children, a love she didn't know was possible to have. I remember when Brinn was a new born in the hospital with me. I had to stay 4 nights how I would just stare at her in wonder and amazement of how much I loved her. I was content to just hold her and watch her sleep. I was a one month old Christian, and I remember praying for God to protect us, provide for us, and to show me how to be the mother that would please him.

Micca shared a quote from Bible teacher Adrian Rogers that just completely soothed my fearful heart. "The Holy Spirit finds the desire of God and puts that desire in our hearts. When we pray for what's been laid on our hearts, it goes right back to heaven in agreement with God's will." When Brinn was born, I was a new mom, and as I've shared before about to become a single mom, and a newborn myself in Christ. I didn't know really how to pray, but I knew my desire was to raise Brinn to know Jesus and to raise her in according to how God would want me to. I only knew one scripture verse by heart. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. This was what I would repeat over and over, and I've clung to this verse ever since. God is constantly answering my prayer, the same prayer I still pray today. Teach me to be the mother (and now wife) you want me to be, so people will see you in me and in my family.

Micca asks us do we parent out of fear or faith? I thought about this for a long time. I will be honest most of the time it's been fear, but I'm learning more and more how to parent on faith. Micca said (and I can't phrase it better than this) "A mom's most precious treasure is her family. I know. I'm a wife and a mother. I can't think of anything in this world that I love more or would fight for more than my family." Speak the truth sister. "The battle is on" Micca says as we go up against the many outside influences that seek to steal our children's hearts and minds. This world is scary and dangerous and with out a firm foundation for our children a place of safety and comfort from the evil ruler in this world who wants to succeed in pulling our children away from us and Jesus.

God though is our "Master Builder" Psalm 127 "provides us with the tools we need to build a home that is protected, peaceful, prosperous, and pleasing to the Lord: Unless the Lord builds the house it's builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."

We need to give our families and our home to the Lord, so that we don't get in God's way with our ideas of how to build a secure and safe home. Without God what we build is really just a facade like on the back of an old movie lot. Looks great from the outside, but when you walk through the door, there is no house just a false front put up to look good. "We let our anxieties about family get in the way of God's building work." There is no safety from the storms, no walls to keep the things that you want to stay out away, just a false sense of a home. "When we let fear get in the way, it's like trying to build without the correct materials. It's only when we place our rusty hammers and saws in God's hands that He is able to do what we fail to do in our best human efforts."

I remember when Brinn was small I had fears. Those fears were easily removed because she was little and she fully dependent on me. You are their protector and their comfort. Everything you say is right, their opinions are minimal mostly to their foods, and they love to hug you. Brinn would give me these hugs with her whole little body. She'd wrap her legs around my rib cage, her arms around my neck and squeeze with all her might. It was such a sweet loving way of expressing how much she loved me. At this age it was so much easier to keep the ugly of the world out.

(she was a little chunk of love)

Now though she's headed for preteen. Brinn will be 10 in June, and is full of questions, opinions, and even though she goes to a small private Christian School is still exposed to the draws of the worlds. She also is a great observer, she watches and listens to everyone around her, including us. Brinn has experienced much in her short 10 years, she's sees her mama go through extreme health issues, she's lost to divorce first a father, then a step mom, 1/2 brother, and step sister, who she misses. I got remarried, and we went from the two of us to the three of us. She went through Brett's addiction as well as his recovery and watched his redemption, and then her adoption by Brett. Through this whole time she was watching me and Brett and how we handle things, what did we teach her?

"We teach our children fear instead of faith when we try to live in our own strength instead of depending on God's ability." Honestly through most of the last 10 years I believe that she has seen more faith than fear. I find it easier to give my problems and desperate times over to God, but when it comes to giving control over to my Heavenly Father of Brinn I falter.

Where my fear comes in that God has been working on is wanting to protect Brinn from the pain I felt as a child and mistakes I made growing up. I Fear Junior High School, and all the changes that come with it. Let's face it she's not my little chunky monkey she was in the picture above. This is Brinn just a few weeks ago.

She picks her own clothes (she has full leggins on though) has her own taste in music, and her own ideas and intrests. I see a lot of me in her, and that SCARES me. This is where I must turn all of my fears over to the Lord, and God is teaching me that He will walk with my daughter. Remember those bodyguards from the last chapter Goodness and Mercy, well God's given Brinn those bodyguards to.

Paul writes "If God is for us, who can be against us? -- Romans 8:31, then Micca reminds us if we claim this verse we must live it out, in all things. "Our children shouldn't see fear in us. We can't say with our mouths that we trust God and contradict that trust with our actions."

So now I'm adding to my simple prayer, asking God to teach me when "to guard and not to guard, when to protect and not to protect, and when to trade fear for faith" and to continue to help me teach her in your ways. I love Micca's advice about teaching our children "how to use God's Word as a handbook for decision making." Teaching Brinn Philippians 4:8 is already been set in motion.

It was a hard for me when I realized that going to public school in Jr. High was part of God's plan for Brinn. I had wanted her to go to a private Christian Jr. High and High school. I pushed that on her which put a lot of pressure on her regarding school, and on us financially. I was afraid of the environment, afraid of the agendas being pushed out here. Then God reminded me "Carol I'm bigger than the public school agendas and systems" oh yes, my God is Big, and Goodness and Mercy are with my Brinn. Yes Brinn , will feel lonely the first few weeks of school, because she won't know anyone then she'll have fights with her friends, and encounter "sandpaper people". I won't know every teacher in the school or every child that she spends her day with, but God will and I know He loves Brinn more deeply than I ever can imagine. She will come home with ideas and wants that we'll disagree over, but that's part of her growing and part of me learning to let her become the person God needs her to be.

Lord I love you, and I'm grateful for the way you live with us in our home everyday. I know that you walk with us, and ahead of us wherever we go and wherever we are headed. Lord give the strength and courage not to try and take control of your work. I want you as my Master Builder, you as the rock our family and faith is built upon. I know that you have a plan for each member of my family, and your plans are always for your glory, and what is right for us. Thank you Father. Amen

Love,

Carol

Back on a roll for the Friday In

2009-04-24T13:12:00.000-07:00

Well after being out of the blog routine, I thought I do something on time and start my weekend off with a Friday Fill In. And...here we go!

1. Apparently there's some sort of confusion from my residents that cleaning your apartment when you move out is not their responsibility. That we should clean 6 years worth of dirt, grease, and tub scum. Hmmm I wonder if Mike Roe from Dirty Jobs wants to come for this one.

2. Today is a sunny day, but thankfully it's not 98 degrees like it was two days ago.

3. 2009 has been a blessed year for my family so far. God is Good!!!!

4. Ever eaten one of those 100 calorie pack snacks like the Twinkies or the cookies and think that was it.

5. For too long I've been worrying about what others would think of me, now I realize it only matters what God thinks of me, and He thinks I'm beautifully and wonderfully made. Want to know a secret He thinks you are too. :)

6. I am not obsessed with blogging or scrapbooking; I am not! I mean really just because I have signed up so I could mobile blog, and can check my email from my phone, and cruising my scrapbook sites while I sit in my scraproom at home with it does not mean I'm obsessed.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a little blogging and a little scrap time (not obsessed), tomorrow my plans include ww meeting hoping to meet my 10% goal, my niece coming over to scrap (really not obsessed) and Sunday, I want to go to church, and then hang at home maybe scrap some more. I'm not obsessed!

Hugs my friends have blessed weekend.

Carol

The Pressure's On -- Chapter 4

2009-04-20T20:08:00.000-07:00

Well it's back to the routine almost, I'm posting tonight on Chapter 4 in our Yes to God study hosted by Lelia. We are in the book An Untroubled Heart, by Micca Campbell. Once again Micca's book has given me much to reflect on in my life. I can say that I've been under the pressure and stress before and God has always pulled me through. What do they say, as believers we are either in the midst of a trial, just coming through one, or getting ready to enter one.

I can't say that my life is pressure free, but I don't feel like I'm in a trial at this point, as some of my friends. I'd say we are more on the just coming through one stage. So I was struggling with how to share with you all. I think my favorite part of this whole chapter was all the reference to:

Psalm 23.

A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd,

I shall not want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside the still waters,

3 He restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness

for His name's sake.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD Forever. (NKJV)

(bold emphasis mine)

Goodness and Mercy, Micca introduces them as our bodyguards. What a visual that is, since reading that I picture these two mighty angles with me all the time. These bodyguards represent God's promise to us. No matter what we face they are with us, God is with us.

So what does Goodness as a bodyguard look like? Micca shares this,"The biblical concept on concrete experience of what God has done and is doing in the lives of His people. The goodness of God is experienced in His creative work, saving acts personal deliverance, and freedom from captivity of things such as fear, anxiety, pride, malice, and sin. God's goodness is extended in His name, His promises, His gifts, His provisions, and His providence in shaping personal and world events."

What about Mercy? "According to the dictionary, mercy means kindness or forgiveness to somebody you have power over or the easing of distress or pain. The biblical concept of the word mercy always involves helping those who are in need or distress. It's clear from the descriptions that Goodness and Mercy are God's aids that rush to our rescue when we are full of anxiety and in need."

Powerful stuff isn't it? There is so much more in this chapter, but tonight I feel the leading of sharing a story as discreetly as possible of a family we know, who we found out today is going through a trial that just left me in thought and pondering all through the day.

A family that we have grown to love and care for very much for the last 5 years is in what the world would call a rock and a hard place. They are a family strong in faith, and we have watched as God has lead them through many places that to people who don't know God would just give up on. So as I share this I also ask your prayers over this family. I can't give names, but we know God already knows who you are praying for.

We spoke with our friend and asked him how he was. Frustrated, mad, and stressed. You see he cares for and loves deeply his wife and family. He lovingly and diligently cares for his wife who suffers from an illness that has declined her health to the point of being wheel chair bound and needing care givers. He is not a wealthy man financially, but works hard to keep his family in a loving and safe home and fully intact. The children are smarter beyond their years and have also learned to lean heavily on God.

In order for our friend to work he must have caregivers for his wife while he's not there. In California state aid is available, and has been helping up until today. Today we found out that the state feels that he makes to much money to continue to provide her the assistance they need. He has at this point two choices quit his job, so he can be the caregiver, or divorce his wife so that she can be considered unable to provide for herself. The amount needed to cover the expenses is the equivalent to another entry level full time job, but of course that can't happen because they's need another caretaker for that.

As we talked with our friend today, we could see the great burden he feels. My husband and I walked with him arm and arm as we talked, listening. Our friend said two things, that made my heart leap, "I don't know how it'll turn out, but God always wins." Then he said, "even if God moves us to a one room shack, it'll be where God wants us to be and He will take care of us." I had to hold my tears. We talked more about the roads God has brought him down, but this one he said is the first one he just can't see past today. He can't figure out where the money will come from, but God does. We prayed and hugged. We prayed for his strength, his health, his wife's health, for their children's peace. Our friend is also having deep chest pains from this stress. We told him we will help in anyway we can, and we'll pray for others to step out in faith and help them as well. I wish you could meet his wife, she always shines God's love and faith in her smile.

I honestly don't know how this will turn out, I just kept reminding myself all day that God see's the picture much bigger than I do, and nothing is beyond Him. I know one thing those bodyguards Goodness and Mercy are encamped around my friends home. Micca reminds us that " What we can count on are His agents of Goodness and Mercy for deliverance and provision. Sometimes they show up in unexpected ways."

Today as my thoughts would stray back to my friends, I went through a wave of emotions. I'm the first to admit that as far as California goes, it's system is messed up. Money goes in all the wrong places, but I can't focus on that. It's a world system created by fallen man, and let's face it it's not getting any better. No I must take the anger and frustration that Satan so longs to feed, and turn it into praise and worship for my Mighty King, and Soverign Lord over All. Praise and worship because I have faith that God will take this situation and do glorious things for not only my friends family, but will be used to show His glory to so many people.

There is so much more to this chapter but I'm going to leave you with this, that no matter what pressure we are under, when we can't see past the pain, and fear and we don't know how this will work out, God does. We must lean into God during the times, this is when God refines us into the person we are suppose to be. This is the time when we need to ask people to pray for us and pray for us without ceasing. As my friend said today we must remember that "God always wins." He has gone before us and prepared the way.

Love,

Carol

Fear Factor -- Fashioned for Faith -- Not Fear

2009-04-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

First a big Woo Hoo and thank you to my Sweet Sister Paula, I was one of the lucky winners of her blogaversary drawings. I'm so excited, and will post pics on my blog when my beautiful journal arrives. Make sure you visit Paula Sweet Pea at her blog His Ways are Not Our Ways.

I don't know about you all but it's been a busy month for the Lueckfeld's so far. Though they are joyful things that distract me from keeping me up to date on my Yes to God study, I have to tell you I miss my peeps, and getting to read and keep up on my friends. That is one of the cool things about blogs though we can be behind and still get to get in on the conversation.

I'm playing catch up the last couple weeks, so I'm going to share my thoughts on Chapter 2 The Fear Factor and Chapter 3 Fashioned for Faith Not Fear. Our book is by Micca Campbell, An Untroubled Heart, and to get some more insight into what the others are reading head over to Lelia's blog Write From the Heart. Forgive me if I ramble there was so much in these 2 chapters my thoughts were full.

"Fear not" it's a simple statement it's all over the Bible. When God appeared to Moses, when the angels appeared to the prophets, and when the Angel Gabriel appeared to Mary, all of them said "Fear not". Jesus told us to "Fear not", and so do the apostles in their letters. In fact Mica tells us that " 'fear not' is stated in the Bible 366 times. That's one 'fear not' for every day of the year, with one extra left over for those really hard days." How amazing is that, God is in all the details. We can wake up each morning and tell ourselves straight from scripture "Fear Not". My verse for this year to pray on was the one Micca shared.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline" 2Timothy 1:7." Micca reminds that "You and I were created to live by faith, and in God, we have all the power we need for a faith that is stronger than all our fears."

Let's face it there are a lot of things going on that bring fear and worry to our hearts. I hear it and see it all the time at work. I have people who are afraid of loosing their jobs, afraid of the schools their children will be in, they fear for their safety in a neighborhood that is very low crime, they fear war and many other things. The recent events in our world have created so much fear, anxiety and worry. "fear is a faith problem rather than a psychological problem." Who wouldn't, shoot just watching the nightly news is enough to give you a sleepless night. As children of God though we must have faith, "It takes faith to battle fear and put to death our anxieties as we learn to live with assurance in a God we can bank on. Without faith fear robs us of our peace, our abilities, our hopes, and our dreams."

I know that when fear and worries hit me, I can really let it take over, I can run with it and feed right into Satan's lies. Fear after all is his favorite tool, he knows right how to feed our fear. He wants us to think that God isn't interested in our petty thoughts, or the details of our life, or that our faith in God isn't enough, that we must take matters into our own hands, not give them to God. I love this acrostic and it's been rolling around in my head since I read it:

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

How do you know what your Fearing is real. Fear can be good when it warns us of something harmful, painful, the unexpected, and disaster. We can also have a healthy Fear of God. A fear that drives us to want to please Him and not disappoint Him. The unhealthy fear we experience comes from Satan; "He's good at making our fears based on lies look real when they are not." "It's important for you and me to determine if our fears are real or simply Satan's hocus-pocus."

In the end of Chapter 2 Jennifer sent us to different scriptures. One set to show us who Satan was, and the other set was to show us who Jesus is and the drastic contrast between them.

Satan: Deceitful, cunning and prays on the weak and vulnerable. The Father of Lies, and murderer (he successfully killed the spiritual life of Adam & Eve and introduced fear into the world) He blinds man to God's truth so they will sink deeper into their own depravity. He looks for every opportunity to overwhelm us temptation, persecution and discouragement. He will do whatever he can to drag the believer from fellowship and service with Christ. He deceives the whole world but his time is limited. Devil is a Greek verb meaning to slander or to falsely accuse.

He is not my idea of someone I want to listen to or even have near me.

Now my Jesus: will have all governments rest on His shoulders. He's a Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace. He is the Light of the world and the Light of Life, he is the Good Shepherd who lays down his life for us. Jesus is the Way the Truth and the Life, No one comes to Father but through me. Lord of Lord, Kings of Kings and will overcome all those who war against Him. Those who are with Him are the called and chosen and faithful.

Jesus how can we not love someone who is described in this way. He's the perfect friend, father, husband, protector, counselor and He laid down His life for us. I'm choosing to follow Jesus, and listen to Him.

In chapter 3 once again I have so much highlighted that it's hard for me to post all the things that went through my head. So I'm going to share things that stuck with me all week.

God's shelters us from the storms. We are never promised a trouble free life, in fact we are told that trials will come our way. We will loose people we love to circumstances and death, we will suffer from illness, we will suffer financial stresses and loss, but through it all God will provide us the strength to endure, and give us a rest and peace to weather the storm. God sees the big picture, He knows how our trials will shape us

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust' Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart" Psalm 91:1-4

Casting our Cares. I don't know about you but I think that's one of those Christanese terms that gets thrown around. I know it's one my husband use to hear when we first started going to church together, that one and "just give it to God" what does that mean he'd say. I heard it all the time too, but how many of us really understand what that means. I know I didn't, and I certainly couldn't explain it to Brett. For along time I had the same thought Micca did, if I cast my cares upon Him, as Peter said in 1 Peter 5:7 "cast all our cares upon God for he cares for you" that all my troubles would some how just go away. That didn't happen, and that's not what Peter meant. Micca explains it better than I here; "The point is that when you and I cast our cares on God, we are recognizing that it's His responsibility to care for us-not ours." We still have to endure the trial, but God will grow us through it, and provide for our needs as we endure. "We only see what's happening to us at the moment. God may allow events to come into our lives--good things and bad things, things that make sense and things that don't. Every one of these incidents serves as part of His plan for our lives. What you and I may think is harmful, God is using for our good--to bring us to completion in godly conduct and character." I know very well that it's hard to see in the midst of the trial, but it's true. We must continue to have faith, and assurance that God is with us in it.

Genuine Faith, this one I really a wow moment. This past 2 1/2 years I have spent more time in the scriptures than I have since I first came to know the Lord. I read, and listen to teachings, and discuss faith with all my blog ladies, and friends here and in the non cyber land. I have noticed the change in my ability to recall His promises, changes in my heart, and a much more unshakable strength in my faith. I hadn't really put my finger on it until I read this "My faith in God didn't begin to grow until I started studying the Bible and discovering who He really is. In fact, I had misconceptions about God and about faith, and those ideas fed my fears." I have friends and family that are not followers of Christ, and when Brett and I went through our marriage trial, I had fears of his relapse back into painkillers and pornography, many of people would say just have faith that he won't. Huh how can I faith in my husband when I don't have trust in him. No the only thing that relieved my fears was knowing that it wasn't me that was in control it was Jesus, and if Brett did relapse Jesus would be with me to bring me through it.
I heard a lot about people putting their faith in their "Higher Power". But their "Higher Power" were things like the ocean, and some unseen unknown entity, or even the "program" itself, it was really faith in nothing. Well folks their is now higher power other than Jesus, and many of the people I met who didn't know Jesus lived in fear, and could find no peace. It was sad. We must get to know God so that we know who our faith is in, and to know Him you must "spend time with God in His Word". This is not the "god of my own understanding", after all that's a god I make up to suit my needs, this is the God of the Bible, the One True God.

Live like you believe. In the last few months, I will not say I have not feared with all the uncertainty that plagues our country. I will tell you that the fear I felt, I was quickly able to let go of as I found strength in God's word, and the promises of his protection and provision. Now more than ever I find living out my faith and letting people know where my strength comes from is essential. People need to see the Hope that comes from living with Faith in the One True God, the Hope that came with Jesus' death and resurrection. "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" Hebrews 11:1 NKJV. Brett and I don't know if we will keep our jobs, if will keep our house, or if my liver will relapse or even fail again, those are scary things. We do know one thing though our God, and our Savior Jesus will never leave us, He will provide for us, and He will give us the strength and peace to rest in Him knowing that it's His responsibility, not ours to take care of us, it's our responsibility to trust in Him and be obedient to His Word.

Next up Chapter 4, when I'm not sure. We are going up to my father in laws for a few days. So it maybe another combined post. We'd covet your prayers for a safe journey, and to be able to live our Faith to it's fullest while there.

In Him my friends,

Carol

Mobile Bloggin here we go

2009-04-14T20:59:00.000-07:00

Wanted to check this out. Here's a picture of Brinn to make you all smile.

Hugs,
Carol

Celebrate!!!!! He is Risen!

2009-04-11T22:52:00.001-07:00

1When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus' body. 2Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb 3and they asked each other, "Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?"
4But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. 5As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.
6"Don't be alarmed," he said. "You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. 7But go, tell his disciples and Peter, 'He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.' "
8Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb. They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid.

9When Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had driven seven demons. 10She went and told those who had been with him and who were mourning and weeping. 11When they heard that Jesus was alive and that she had seen him, they did not believe it.
12Afterward Jesus appeared in a different form to two of them while they were walking in the country. 13These returned and reported it to the rest; but they did not believe them either.
14Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating; he rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to believe those who had seen him after he had risen.
15He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 16Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."
19After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God. 20Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it. Mark 16

Death did not overtake Jesus, Jesus over took death. May you find freedom in know the Savior Jesus. He's taken the punishment of our sins, so that we can have eternal life.

Happy Easter

Carol

TETELESTAI - It Is Finished!

2009-04-10T07:46:00.000-07:00

Many of the Jews read this sign, for the place where Jesus was crucified was near the city, and the sign was written in Aramaic, Latin and Greek. The chief priests of the Jews protested to Pilate, "Do not write 'The King of the Jews,' but that this man claimed to be king of the Jews."
Pilate answered, "What I have written, I have written."
When the soldiers crucified Jesus, they took his clothes, dividing them into four shares, one for each of them, with the undergarment remaining. This garment was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom. "Let's not tear it," they said to one another. "Let's decide by lot who will get it." This happened that the scripture might be fulfilled which said, "They divided my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing."So this is what the soldiers did.

John 19:20-24

Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, "I am thirsty." A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus' lips. When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.
John 19 28-30

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1:7-8 NIV

Why do we celebrate Good Friday why is it called Good Friday? It's the day we remember the sacrifice that God poured out, by sacrificing His one and only Son, our blessed savior Jesus. Jesus took upon himself our sins so that we may have a relationship with our Great and Loving God. Jesus cried out Tetelestai (Greek for It is finished). Jesus finished the work that God sent Him to do here to be the ultimate sacrifice.

"The Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world." John 1:29

Yes Jesus died a hideous and cruel earthly death, but the story doesn't end there.

Some may see this as a day of mourning, but it's really a day a hope and redemption, and a reminder of what we would suffer if we don't believe in Jesus as the Messiah. It's the day we as followers of Jesus look on and fall to our knees speechless by what God has done because of His great mercy, love, and kindness for the ones He created. For that reason we celebrate. Don't forget the story doesn't end here Sunday's Coming.

My Most Heavenly Father, there are no words that I can use to express the way you've changed my life. I did nothing to deserve your love or the forgiveness you gave, in fact I did everything that would cause you sorrow, I've been shameful and prideful, selfish and cruel, and I ran from you for so so long. But you never left me you pursued me and protected me even when I wasn't willing to see it. You waited for me ever so patiently, quietly hinting and revealing yourself to me until I at long last my eyes and heart were opened to you. I love you my Father, my Jesus, my Savior, my Redeemer. Amen.

Carol

Painting by Thomas Blackshear 11

Happy Birthday Brett The Big 30!

2009-04-07T22:31:00.000-07:00

Today is my darling husband Brett's birthday. Yes my friends my hubs turned 30 today!. Brinn made (with a bit of assistance from mom) dad his favorite cake. White cake,and white frosting.

She lovingly put the candles in the shape of the numbers 30. And then sang him happy birthday. Brett of course took video of this on his phone. So what did Brett want to do for his birthday. Well as some of you may know Brett has 5 loves in his life. God, His Wife, Brinn, Home Theater, and Star Wars. For those of you didn't know this, the Home Theater is a passion. In fact I have a whole scrapbook dedicated to his home theater as it developed in our life together.

When we moved into our home one of Brett's big things was he wanted a Theater room. So here's one of the pages that shows Brett's theater room in our house. The problem with this was it was small and we could never have more than 3 people over the house. So we rarely had anyone over to watch movies. From a wife's point of view it was ugly. Yes the walls are all padded and it's entirely black.

Recently as God has grown and change Brett's heart so has the way Brett spends his time, and the movies he watches has changed. So now sitting alone away watching a movie is something he doesn't enjoy much. So Sunday night he said "I was thinking about moving the Theater equipment into the living room, what do you think?" My first response was "we won't be putting any black foam on the walls will we?" "No hun" was Brett's answer. Actually I thought it'd be cool, and besides now I've got Brett into the idea of painting the walls in the room so it was a bonus.
So last night the project went underway. This is Brett's idea of a good time, resetting up his theater. He couldn't sleep he was so excited.

So as it stands our "big tv" is now moved out of the living romm and will find a new space in the old theater room. Which will become a tv/game room. (Brett and I don't watch much tv.) Last night by this time all of the theater equipment had taken over the kitchen, and Brett had the screen on the wall.

Today he took the day off work, and pulled 5 speaker cables under the house, mounted speakers, and was coming up with a way to hang his projector from the ceiling. (that was my idea thanks to all those decorating budget shows). We also had to put up a new light fixture in the living room too.

So as it stands right now my darling husband is exhausted, and is taking tomorrow off. The projector is hung, the system plays, and we sampled the first viewing of what else Star Wars Episode 4. I now have a 92" screen on my wall, and the new house projects are mounting. But my darling hubs is happy, and it's pretty cool. Of course I'll post some pictures after everything is done. And for those of you whose hubbies are saying wow honey can we do that, I'm sorry. And in answer to the other man questions, yes he has Blue Ray. Yes we could watch the Super Bowl or the World Series on it, and yes we can even hook up our Wii on it.

So Happy Birthday Honey. I love you!.

Carol

Go Visit my Sweet Friend Paula

2009-04-04T22:08:00.000-07:00

Okay so my very dear friend Paula, or Sweet Pea as many of us know her is celebrating her 1 year Blogaversary for her blog His Ways...are not our ways. With that she's having a very cool give away. Really though just by visiting her blog you will be blessed. She has a wonderful way of sharing God's word while sharing her heart.

So pop by and say hi.

In Him,
Carol

Friday Fill Ins #118

2009-04-03T15:49:00.000-07:00

The only post I seem to be able to do on the same day it's suppose to be done. Click on the picture to see what other people share too.

And...here we go!

1. Angel or not, I will brave the crowds of Costco tonight so I don't miss out on my coupons.

2. The words my husband loves to hear on date night (wink wink) "any way you want me".

3. As my mother used to say, you're full of bull.

4. I'm always thirsty and hungry after I'm done working out or doing something strenuous.

5. Even in the most crowded of rooms I sometimes can't find someone to talk too, besides crowds make me uncomfortable, probably why I never enjoyed going night clubin.

6. A day I'm not covered in my spiritual armour is a day fraught with peril.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going to Costco (not really) and watching Bolt on DVD with my family, tomorrow my plans include W.W. meeting getting closer to that first 10% goal, getting a second facial treatment, and then off to mom in laws to have dinner to celebrate hubbies birthday and Sunday, I want to go to church and then do nothing the rest of the day!

Happy Friday Everyone!!!

Carol

ABC's of the Word - H

2009-04-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

Seems I'm a bit behind on all my posts. God's word is always timely though.

For more ABC's of the Word make sure to stop by and visit our gracious host Pam at Grey Like Snuffie. She has inspired many of us to search through God's word in a new way. Make sure to stop and visit some of the other ladies who share their letter each week too.

This weeks Letter is H.

One for all of us ladies.

Proverbs 31:27-31 (NASB)
27She looks well to the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

28Her children rise up and bless her;

Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

29"Many daughters have done nobly,

But you excel them all."

30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

31Give her the product of her hands,

And let her works praise her in the gates.

Reading through this verse reminds me that being a wife who respects and loves her husband, and who loves her child, is beautiful in the eyes of the Lord. When we love our family by caring for them our of our reverence and love for our Lord, we are pleasing in His sight.

In Him,

Carol

Brett's Letter

2009-04-01T12:23:00.000-07:00

I also wanted to share this letter that Brett wrote to the courts on why he wanted to adopt Brinn. (I couldn't find it this morning) Brett read this letter on a special Father's Day Dedication at our church, where Brett dedicated Brinn to the Lord and promised to raise her in the Truth of God's Word. This is a letter that expresses Brett's heart, and a little window into Brett himself.

Why I want to adopt my daughter Brinn Shemwell

Where do you begin a letter that involves one of the most important decisions and commitments that I will ever make in my life? If there is one thing I’ve learned in my 28 years of life on this planet it is to do all things in love. That’s what this letter is about my love for my most precious gift that God my father has given me the opportunity to do and that’s to adopt Brinn.

I will start with my own childhood experience which is similar to Brinn’s and that is my biological father left my mother, sister, and I the day before my ninth birthday. In actuality he hadn’t been there for several years before because he was devoting himself to another woman. The result of this was a lack of a father in my life, my sister’s life and my mom without a husband. I along with my family are still suffering from this loss today.

Over the years I have had low self esteem as a result of my fathers’ disappearance and had turned to the world for comfort. I found comfort in food, spending money and drugs to drown out my pain for many years.

I thank God that the story does not end there. Almost 6 years ago on March 4th I had my first date with my wife Carol and my daughter Brinn who was about 2 ¾ years old at the time. On our first date Brinn let me know she wasn’t going to share her mother very easily, because all night she would say to me “my mommy” in the most loving and serious tone. I look back now and I laugh because I can see God was telling me in the most simple way that if you want one you have to want both and I very much did. Six months later while out for ice cream Brinn asked me to be her Daddy and I tearfully agreed! On December 24th I asked Brinn if it would be okay if I married her mommy and she said yes, and Carol and I were engaged that evening. The three of us were married on May 16th 2003.

Over the next few years our pastor at the time would call us the perfect family in some ways we were, but in many other ways we were not, but what family is. Even though I still have issues from my past and current life to deal with I have always tried to be the best father for Brinn that she needs in her life.

I have talked about adopting Brinn for about 3 years now while learning what it means to be a parent who loves their child with his whole heart, a husband who loves his wife with his whole heart, and to love myself for who God created me to be and to love God. That being said I believe I am ready and fit to move forward in this adoption process. I have been given a new life as I have reached over 1 year of sobriety and turned all areas of my life over to God and he has blessed me more that I can tell you over the last year. I believe that God directs our steps and God has finally brought me on this journey and to the adoption of Brinn.

I want to adopt Brinn because she’s my daughter, the one who God has given to me. She’s my daughter in everyway but in a legal sense. Not only is she my daughter but she’s my friend, we have been through tough times together as a family, as a father daughter, and personal hurts and sadness. I have watched her grow since she was 2 ¾ years old to right now at the age of 8, we have laughed together, played together, run together, swam together, done homework together, been places together, and cried together, we have been a father and a daughter together. I try to give Brinn what every little girl needs from a father. I give her love, direction, purpose and security of knowing that this father won’t leave her. I would love to give her a father recognized through the legal system in order to give her a legal commitment in which she would be secure if something were to happen to her mother, (which is a possibility due to her illness of Autoimmune Hepatitis) that she wouldn’t loose the only father that’s cared for her. The adoption is also a statement of my commitment to her that I want the responsibility of being her legal father and I can only imagine the security she will get from that later in life.

The future is not promised to any of us, everyday we wake every breath we take is a gift from God. My wife and daughter are my 2 greatest gifts I’ve been given from God along with his saving grace. I Brett Lueckfeld pray that I will be granted the privilege of adopting Brinn, and being her father in everyway possible, in order to provide her a safe loving Godly upbringing that my wife and I want her to have.

Respectfully yours,

Brett Carl Lueckfeld

Happy Adoption Anniversary

2009-04-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe it's been 1 year since Brett's adoption of our daughter Brinn was finalized by the judge. Yes 1 year ago today on April 1st, 2008 Brinn was legally recognized by the government law as Brinn's Father. (No Foolin) A position that God had actually given and granted him 5 years earlier. I wanted to share pictures of that moment with you.

This is us in the judges chambers. She did all the adoptions. Brett's mom was there along with my friend Cynde, and Kim. Kim's two daughters went to school with Brinn and were adopted by Kim and her husband 2 years earlier, so she took them out of school that morning so they could be there to support Brinn. How sweet is that.

Here we are signing the papers. The judge asked Brinn if she wanted to have Brett adopt her and she said yes, he's already my daddy anyway.

Kim gave this bear to Brinn with a little shirt that says Happy Adoption Day, Brinn, and the date, the bears name is April. The judge had a bookshelf full of stuffed animals and little toys. When the adoption was complete and Brett was all signed up as official daddy. The judge let the 3 girls each pick a toy from the shelf.

Here we are with the judge. The stuffy Brinn picked is her monkey Momo. He's been her best bud this last year. Tonight we are off to Chili's Brinn's favorite restaurant to celebrate. I imagine Momo will come too. God has blessed us greatly.

When Brinn and I were on our own, I had accepted that it would probably be just her and I. I knew that God would be our husband and father. But God went beyond that. He answered my prayer that Brinn wouldn't have to endure a life of going back and forth between me and her bio father. He provided Brinn a whole family, and when Brett turned his life over to the Lord allowed him the sealing of our family through an earthly venue, and showed us His blessing over our family.

One of the hardest things we faced when we started the adoption process was telling Brinn that Pat had released his rights as her father. She hadn't seen him in almost 3 years, but the words that came from her broke my heart. She said with tears welling up in her eyes "He gave me away". At only 7 years old she figured out. Brinn was hurt and just didn't understand how come Pat didn't want to be with me and her. "Why didn't he want to be with us Mommy." Not an easy question to answere.

Through the adoption the Lord also provided something else that Brinn needed. That was a commitment to her that Brett loved her just for her, not because she came as part of the deal when he married me. It showed her that he would not leave her, that he choose her to be his daughter. Just as God our Father chooses us to be His children. Since that day Brinn's attachment and love for her daddy has changed. She grew to love Brett, but now she's different with him. She doesn't keep a distance between them, she's learning to trust her dad, that his commitment to her is real. I pray that she gives that same trust to her Heavenly Father.

Thank you Lord for your blessing of love upon my family.

I'm going to double up on my Yes to God posts. Things have been busy here. So I'll be by in the next few days to read your posts.

Love,

Carol

Friday Fill In's #117

2009-03-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

This week Janet, took the first sentence in 6 of my favorite books...you fill them in...with the right words or even better, ones of your own. This should be interesting.

And...here we go!

1. "In a hole in the ground there lived a crazy little rabbit, that ate carrots and got into other peoples business, caused all kinds of trouble, but in the end always came out the winner.

2. "You can have, cars, cash, real estate and all the toys you want but that ain't no matter, because it's still a bunch of stuff that will end up in either a land fill, owned by someone else or spent by someone else. Only God can give you something that will last forever, eternal life.

3. "After dark the rain began to fall again, as I snuggled deep under the covers in my bed listening to the drops hitting my window and I listened to the beautiful music God makes with his creation, like a lullaby to put me to sleep."

4. "Gold, and rubies were brought forth from the hold of the Spanish galleon."

5. "There was a hand in the darkness, and it reached out and grabbed my shoulder as we sat in the little rickety car in the county fair Haunted House. My cousin and I screaming at the idea that the tacky plastic monsters had come to life. In complete terror I spun around putting all my strength into my fist with all my 14 year old body could muster, and connected with a face full of fur. I hear a deep groan of pain, my cousin grabs my arm as we turn around right as the doors swing open to let the light of the day into the dark ride, we see the monster it's a werewolf. Oops no it's a carnie worker with a werewolf mask, and he's now removing it to inspect his newly broken nose. "You broke my nose he yells at me" His fellow Carnies laugh, "you shouldn't have grabbed my shoulder" I said full of pride. The Carnies laugh louder, and my cousin and I decide that will be avoiding the Haunted House from now on.

6. "Accidents ambush the unsuspecting, but knowing that the unexpected can happen in your life can make the ambush unsuccessful. Then take strength in knowing that nothing unexpected happens in God's eyes, God will never say "hey I didn't see that coming."

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to getting my hair highlighted, (I'll take a new picture for my blog) a weekend alone with my husband, our daughter is going with her best friend K. to spend the weekend at K's grandparents. So I think we are going to watch the movie Australia tomorrow my plans include of course WW meeting, and then I have no idea we didn't expect the weekend to ourselves. I know I'm going to do my Kettlenetics again, probably program my new phone who knows what else and Sunday, I want to go to church, pick up my daughter, and go to our Pastors house for a connections dinner!

Okay an update from last week. I did my Kettlenitics first level exercise. Great work out really gets your heart pumping and works your muscles. The group of women are not exercise bunnies, and the only tummy view you put up with is the teachers, so much better than others. Really love the work out it's different than anything I've done, but not overly complicated, and she actually has a really good instruction video.

Had to laugh at Stacy, curious in the comments from Tina about my belly button ring. No I don't ware it anymore, but the mark is forever there. I did it when I was in denial about being in my 30's, but then pregnancy and belly rings don't get a long. As far as the tattoo, I never got one, I was to wimpy after the pain of the belly piercing and now well I'm over it. Besides I actually like being in my 40's.

Have a great and fabu weekend everyone.

Carol

ABC's of the Word - G

2009-03-26T19:03:00.000-07:00

God Gives

And the testimony is this, that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has the life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have the life.

1John 5:13

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

John 3:16

It's funny I was actually going to look for a verse on guidance, because I am seeking guidance in an area regarding how my daughter will spend the summer. Then I was caught by the first verse and read it over a few times and the God has given, really caught me. It made me think of how many times in the scriptures that we are told that God gives. Then I really thought about John 3:16, how many times have we heard that verse most of us can recite it from memory. Most children it's one of the first memory verses they learn. But there it is again He gave.

I'm not sure about the people you come in contact with, but I am daily surrounded by people who do not know Jesus. I meet people regularly who are trying to earn their way to heaven, trying to be a good person, yet never acknowledging that God did not say in either verse I will let you have eternal life if you do this, this, and this.

God gave the world His son, we did not barter for Jesus. In fact there is nothing we could give or do that would impress God. We are covered in the filthy rags of our sin, until we except God's most loving and sacrificial gift of His Son Jesus. Then and only then will we know real life.

In Him,

Carol

To find out more about the ABC's of the Word visit Pam at Grey Like Snuffie and find out what others are finding as the search God's word for the letter of the week.

When the Unthinkable Happens - Chp. 1

2009-03-25T20:50:00.000-07:00

This is my third study with the Lelia at Write From the Heart, and the other girls at Yes to God. Stop by their to see what others found in Chapter 1 So far the first two have really reached inside me and began healing in many areas of my life, and revealed some things to me that God needs to bring forward so He can wash them clean and use them for His Glory.

We start our new book today by Micca Campbell from Proverbs 31 Ministries called An Untroubled Heart, finding faith that is stronger than all my fears. So if you haven't read the first chapter of this book, I will give you a word of advice. Bring your box of tissue, and don't read it in a place you can be interrupted you won't want to be.

I will tell you that I put off responding to this chapter even though I read it on Saturday night. It was one of those times that God just puts a story in your path that really through you for a loop. I knew the first chapter would be one filled with emotions for me when I read the first line "Sometimes Porter would meet me in my dreams."

You see Sunday was my father's birthday, and as many of you who have read my blog know my father died suddenly of a heart attack when I was 11. It's been 32 years and some years on dad's birthday or the anniversary of his death I'm fine, I think of him remember the time I had with him, and other years it's as if only a year has passed. This year it was already becoming a year of deep ache, and then I read Micca's first chapter.

I've never lost a husband to death, but I did loose the first man I ever loved and that was my father. The description of the hospital reached into my heart and brought that day back to the surface. I remember being excited to see Dad, he was suppose to have picked me & my friend up from a painting class I was at but he didn't. Instead my friends father picked us up and said that my mom would be by to pick me up at their house in a few hours. Then he told me that my dad had been admitted to the hospital earlier that day when he went for his usual monthly appointment. Dad had a disease that made his blood to thick so he went once a month to have a special blood thinning treatment done.

It took two days for my mom to get permission from me to see Dad in the hospital. Military rules at the time didn't allow children under the age 14 in the patient rooms. My mom finally got the release and my mom, older brother who was 22 at the time, and I went to the base hospital so we could visit. When we arrived the doctor took us into the office and told us that Dad had passed away from a massive heart attack, 10 minutes before we arrived. I never saw him again.

The first line in the book, was something I experienced for years. Dad would be in my dreams, and this went on all the way into my 30's consitently even a couple of times after Brinn was born. Dad would show up and I was by myself, I would talk to him, and ask him are you going to stay now, or please don't leave stay with us. I would run to get another member of my family or something I wanted to show him, and when I'd get back he'd be gone. I always woke up crying.

I didn't know God back then, even though my brother and sister tried to bring me to Him. The youth pastor at my brothers church would get me involved in youth activites and other things, but I didn't understand it, how could a god who claim to love me take away my daddy. Why couldn't he have just saved daddy, so all the things that were changing would stop changing, I was a good little girl why would God take my daddy away from me, did I do something wrong, couldn't he make the dream real and then I wouldn't feel so alone and hurting.

Well after almost 32 years God revealed that answer to me in Micca's book. Micca quoted Psalm 139:16 Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. I have read that Psalm many, many times, I have it marked with my baby picture in my Bible, I marked it in Brinn's Bible with her picture, but I never looked at it in the way Micca did. It was like God was speaking to me through what Micca wrote: "God didn't take my husband from me. Porter's death wasn't a personal attack or payment for some sin I had committed. Nor had my heavenly Father left me to spin helplessly out of control. No--God, in His sovereignty, simply knew the number of Porter's years. I feel privileged to have been a part of his days and comforted in knowing that I'm not alone for the rest of mine."

I believe God is going to start working on healing some of those deep fears, and pains in me. "Even if we don't have all the answers, our past will never make sense until we invite God into our present. Then we will see He's been there all along." As I answered the questions at the end of the chapter, I found that my trials have two views. I can look back now at the trials I had before I surrendered my life to the Lord, I handled them so much differently, so much more fear and that lead to many feelings of abandonment, self hatred, lack of self respect and extremely destructive behaviors.

When I came to Christ and surrendered my life it was in the midst of fear and loneliness. The trials I have faced since that time have been difficult, and some scary. It's funny because one of the verses I keep close to my heart is James 1:2-4 "Consider it all Joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be prefect and complete, lacking in nothing." That is such a powerful verse this verse has carried me through some of the biggest scariest trials in the last almost 10 years of my walk with Jesus. Actually He carries me a lot.

My Divorce from Brinn's bio father and his betrayal started me on my walk with Jesus, having no job and no way to provide a home for my daughter and I. (God blessed me with a sister, brother in law, and niece who brought us into their home) Then being a single mom living on our own and barely making it through a pay period. (God provided through family & friends we always had what we needed) An illness that brought me close to death, in the midst of fear before the diagnosis God gave me peace and removed my fear of leaving my sweet daughter. God strengthened me through the exposure of Brett's addictions, and gave me the strength to forgive him, and support him. He brought me to people who would love me through the process and grow me in ways I couldn't imagine. And just in the last year God has lead me through another relapse in my illness that without Him and the strength and peace from God I would have fallen into a deep despair. The funny part is he lead me to blogging, and this Yes to God Study where I have made some truly deep and loving friendships.

Through the trials of the past now I can see God's hand in them, and maybe now through this study He will heal some more pain from those past trials and the after effects that came from the way I responded to those trials. I have a deeper faith now, because with each trial I go deeper and deeper in communion with Him. I am maturing spiritually, and learning to fear less of this world, my biggest fear now is having a life with out my Lord, my Abba, thankfully I have the assurance of His word that nothing can separate me from Him. God has given me a deep compassion for those who know Him who are hurting and in the midst of a trial but also a compassion and a desire to reach out in His love for the person who is hurting, but has now knowledge or relationship with my Heavenly Father the one who can truly fill the emptiness and bring them peace.

I absolutely love this quote from Micca: "It's easy to see God's hand at work in the lives of those who live between the pages of His Word." Micca if you read this I'm posting this permanently on my blog. I want to be one of those people.

I will leave you with the prayer that Micca suggested we write to God at the end of the study section.

My Dearest Lord, Abba: You have taken me from a person who lived in a world of fear, loneliness, and darkness to someone who cand stand and face those trials & have filled my heart with peace and compassion. I fail all the time yet you pick me up and show me your way. I pray I may live my life in deep communion with you always, not just during the trials but in the times between, so the trials don't seem so powerful. I love you Abba, Amen.

Growing in Him,

Carol

Friday Fill In's - 116

2009-03-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday Everyone!!! Okay so it's late but it's technically Friday.

And...here we go!

1. Why do we have to have excersize videos with scantly clad women on them. Okay I don't know about you but these girls do not motivate me, the reason I work out to videos is so I can avoid the gym and the gym boys and girls?

2. Making our own Lattes in the morning is no longer a maybe they are now habits.

3. I have tons of ideas for scrapbook and altering projects yet I can't tear myself from blogging long enough to get them started!. (Hence the 11:00pm post)

4. I had never heard the phrase "chicken, rats, and fadoodles" and it has become a common phrase used at our house to help us not to swear when we are frustrated.

5. I have determined and accepted that I am not organized in a normal way, I will continue to use my random piles to keep track of things the way I always do.

6. How was I to know that blogging would become so fascinating, and that I would actually make friends doing it.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm took my daughter and her friend (hubs went too) to see Race to Witch Mountain, we girls loved mmm dad not so much , tomorrow my plans include WW weigh in I'm 14 lbs down, and then I'm getting a facial my hubs surprised me with, and after that if I don't get to wrapped up in blogging, I'm going to work on a alter project for Brinn's room and Sunday, I want to we are headed to church, and grocery shopping, and maybe I'll learn how to play Wii Mario Kart!

And as a side note, I'm trying a new exercisize dvd called Kettlenetics, hopefully I can get past the trainers outfits, and get into this. It came highly recomended. I'll let you know.

Have a fun weekend.

2009-03-19T22:35:00.000-07:00

This weeks letter is F

"just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world,

that we would be holy and blameless before Him In love"

Ephesians 1:4

I'm not sure about you, but this verse blew me away the first time I really got what it said. That God thought of me and you before He even created the world. That He knew when, what time, and place He would place us. He knew our part in His plan before the world was created and how our little vapor of a life would be important to our plan. He also knew we would need Salvation, and He made a plan for that so we could be with Him again. WOW.

PRAISE GOD!

For more ABC's of the Word head over to Pam's at Grey Like Snuffie.

Lift Up: Praise The Lord, O My Soul Ch. 11

2009-03-19T21:35:00.000-07:00

Well it's hard to imagine but we've come to the end of this amazing book. Jennifer Rothschild has lead us through our thought closet, we've learned to take our self defeating, negative, and condemning self talk and replace it with God's word. The words God has carefully picked out for us and written to us. He's also taught us in His word to take every thought captive, and to not let it in. If you haven't taken the time to read this book, take the time. It is well worth the time. I think I have officially read it 3 times, because I found myself rereading each chapter 3 times so I could just really meditate and pray about the material presented.

I also wanted to let all the ladies who participated I was fed even more with the thoughts and personal experiences you shared on your posts. Some of you I met last study, and some I just met with this book. I cherish the relationships we've built, all of your comments, encouragement, and prayers I feel God's blessed me with meeting so many Christian sisters through this world we call blogging.

This weekend, while at my women's retreat (I'll blog later on that) I had one of those moments that felt so intiment with God such an amazing time of Praise. We had quiet time after the morning session. The Suggested Devotional was Psalm 103 of David. I had just skimmed the first part of chapter 11, and I knew that when I saw the first two verses of the Psalm 103 started out Praise the Lord, O My Soul, that God had something for me. I read through the Psalm, and the material provided with it, and then on my heart came the word of the song East to West by Casting Crowns. I pulled out my ipod and headed outside for sometime completely alone with my Lord. It was cold on the beach about 50 degrees outside (be nice I'm a Californian). I stood on the outer walkway of the hotel over looking the beach, and listened to the song in amazement of the beauty and vastness of God's love for me. The wind was blowing, and I remember my body shivering, but I couldn't bring myself to go inside, I wanted to be outside and looking at God's creation, feeling the cold and the wind like it was God's breath all around me. I remember saying how unworthy I was, and then feeling such fullness of His love that it brought me to tears. I walked along the outer walkway of the hotel, listening to more of the songs that always draw me into a deeper worship with God. It was amazing.

I came home from Monetrey this weekend and read Jennifer's quote "Open the door of your thought closet and look inside. What consumes your thoughts? When you have an idle moment, where do your thoughts wander? When you talk to yourself, what are you usually saying?" Hmm I never thought about that way.

So what does consume my thoughts. My family, particularly my daughter lately as she is becoming more teen than girl. My husband battles with addictions, and remembering to continue to lift him in prayer. More praying for my daughter. Work and the economy. My quiet time, hobby, illness, my weight, my appearance much more emphasis on the last that I liked seeing. My friends, and how badly I am about communicating with them, oh yes and my blog what will I write today. How far behind I am in my to do list. Oh yes God He was in there too, but in a smaller place than I had realized. Then I hear the spirit say "yes but am I the first thought of your day, and the predominate thought of your day, and the last thought of your day.", Sheepishly I admit, "not usually Lord" Some days, but sadly not everyday. Over the last few months I have spent more time in my relationship with the Lord, but I'm not satisfied with it. I want more of God and less of me. I love to read and I love to read my studies, I believe these last two studies have really opened my eyes to how much more space I need to give to God.

He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30

I know fully what it's like to live my life with out God at the center of my focus, and boy does my life go out of whack when I do that. I love how Jennifer talks about when we really enjoy something or someone is important to us we talk about that thing, or that person constantly. Everyone who knows me knows that I think my little girl is amazing, and that I have a wonderfully loving and giving husband. They know that I love to scrapbook and alter things and create with my hands, and many figure out that purple is my favorite color. But do they know how much I love God? Is it evident that I love God and I am so grateful for Jesus and the redemption that He's sacrificed Himself for? I can say on many occasions yes they know I'm a Christian, but I don't really know if they have any idea of the depth of my love for Him. So how do we show that outwardly. PRAISE HIM!!!!

In God we make our boast all day long, and we will praise your name forever Psalm 44:8

Praising God is really about enjoying God. Praise is all forms, not just singing and worship songs, but reading His word and desiring to learn about Him, sharing Him with a friend, praying for yourself, and for others, going to church, talking about Him with your children, walking and looking at His creation, and the list can go on and on. "Conversely, when we shut the doors of our thought closets to the God who loves us, we are most cruel to our own souls. Lifting up self barricades us from true happiness. Ironically, our own selfishness deprives us from what we long for most."

How priceless is your unfailing love!

Both high and low among men

find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

They feast on the abundance of your house;

you give them drink from your river of delights.

For with you is the fountain of life;

in your light we see light

Psalm 36:7-9

So our soul craves to praise our Lord, it's what keeps us on His path and connects us to God and makes it possible to hear His voice. When we are selfish and self focused we can't praise anyone but ourselves. I'm not sure about you, but that hasn't worked out so well for me.

So I'll end this book study with the quote Jennifer shared from C.S. Lewis, "As long as you are proud, you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you."

Keep looking up to the Heaven my friends,

Carol

Oh and of course Lelia has brought to us another wonderful book study, An Untroubled Heart, Finding a faith that is stronger than all my fears. Author Micca Campbell. So join us in the next study for more details head over to Lelia's blog Write From the Heart

Friday Fill Ins - #115

2009-03-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

It's Friday, and it's time for the random post. I love these don't know why just do.

And...here we go!
1. When I look to the left, I see my bookshelf with pictures of my family at different stages of our life together.
2. The living room is the room that has the best view in my home, of course you have to have all the blinds closed and only look out the little stack windows so you can see the sky. We live in a mobile home park and everywhere we look out the windows is other homes. My favorite thing to look at is my 6 photo frame scrapbook picture of our family.
3. Let it work itself out you can't fix people who just want to complain, that's what I tell myself when I feel like other peoples drama is taking over my family time, just pray for them.
4. Nothing is done dirt cheap, I live in California! Well unless you ask ACDC they have a song about blankety blank done dirt cheap.
5. Voting is a responsibility that all qualified citizens must share.
6. If you have any encouraging thoughts feel free to share.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to starting off my weekend Women's retreat, catching up with ladies I only see once a year and seeing the beach at sunset, tomorrow my plans include breakfast and morning session, lunch in maybe Carmel and some shopping hopefully a walk on the beach and evening session and Sunday, I want to get up a bit early and have some one on one time with God as I watch the awesome power of his creation the ocean come in and out at His hand!

Have a great weekend.
Carol

Look Back, Chill Out, and March On Ch. 8, 9.&10

2009-03-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

Wow where has the time gone. Somewhere between a 9 year old with a fever for 4 days, gma's hospital stay (she's home and doing well thank you for all the prayers) personal doctor appointments, and a date night that turned into almost a weekend (not complaining about that), I've never gotten to post my thoughts on the last 3 Chapters of Self Talk, Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild. Now Yes to God Tuesday is Yes to God Thursday 3 weeks late. Don't forget to head over to Lelia's blog Write From the Heart and see what others have shared from these 3 chapters. Also we are getting ready for our next book study. So if you haven't done so yet join us, it really is fun, and no pressure Lelia's got all the info on her blog. As an added bonus you'll meet some of the most wonderful Godly and encouraging women.

So I thought I'd just share a bit from each, and hopefully I'll get to post in full on Chapter 11 next week. I make no promises though because I'm off to a women's retreat as you may know, and I want to focus my attention on the topic there. So I guess you'll just have to be surprised.

So now on to the book, as has been the norm for this book, I have underlined and nodded in agreement over and over and these next 3 chapters were no different. In Chapter 8 Look Back: Forget Not His Benefits, O My Soul, the topic was milestones. You know those times and decisions in your life where you look back and know that was something that affected the next portion of your life, and that effected who and where you are today. Looking back at our memories and milestones can be pleasant and painful, we tend to only want to look back at the good. However we are reminded in this chapter that looking back at the painful is important too, as long as it is profitable. So what's that mean. Jennifer explains it this way, "Profitable memories are those that add to your soul wellness rather than subtract from it", "Profitable memories contribute to your personal depth and understanding. They challenge you to think broadly rather than narrow your perspective."

So sometimes are memories are pleasant, like the first time I held my daughter, it was life changing, and is still one of my most precious memories. However at that same time the memories attached to that are the feelings of rejection from divorce, and knowing that Brinn and I would be a family of two, and not a family of three, at least at that time. It's a painful memory of a difficult time in my life, but one with great profitability. Why because I can look back and see how God worked through that time to bring me to Him, I can remember how He provided for me, how He changed the relationship between me and my sister, from just realitives to a closeness we'd never shared together. The other thing about looking back on those painful memories is to relabel them. When you look at the memory that caused you pain, and see the hands of God covering it and leading out of the dark time you can remove the negative connotation from it. God will remove the sting from that memory, and when you look back you'll see how God drew you close, and used it to strengthen and make you who you are today.

My favorite quote from Jennifer in Chapter 8 is "Remembering can turn even the most difficult milestones into stepping-stones on a path of gratitude, contentment, and peace." She also warns if you have truly horrific memories, that bring utter agony such as horrible situations of abuse or cruelty, that those kind of memories can require you to seek professional, and spiritual intervention. If that is your situation, please do find someone to guide you through the healing process. Advice well spoken.

Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Hebrews 10:32

I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. Psalm 143:5

So now that we've Looked Back and seen where God's taken us it's time to Chill Out. Chapter 9 Chill Out: Be At Rest, O My Soul. Oh yeah, this is good. As one who loves to burn the candle at both ends I needed to read this chapter. Now it's no secret that I have an illness that can get out of control because I'm not suppose to get overly stressed, over committed, or over tired, but the reality is I do. For me God has provided a trigger in my body to force me into physical rest. My body just plain shuts off sometimes for 2 to 3 days. So I get physical rest.

Only recently have I realized the need for my spiritual rest. Where I take time to read God's word, pray for others and myself, and fill myself with His peace daily. It's essential to me, and on the days that I don't get my time with God, I can feel the difference in my spirit, and it's evident in my attitude as well.

What Jennifer said here really spoke to my heart, "When we are physically and emotionally spent and worn, we become susceptible to the enemy's attack. We become easy targets, sitting ducks. Our enemy attacks us with despair, depression, illness, impatience, and myriad other maladies...all results of a fatigued soul and body. Speaking rest to our souls is critical."

The other thing I really enjoyed is the advice she shared from Pastor Rick Warren about a formula for rest:

Divert Daily: a power nap, a walk at lunch, people watch. Just do something daily to create a temporary diversion each day.

Withdraw Weekly: It can be all day or just a few hours, just make sure you step back and out of the weekly chaos that is your world once a week.

Abandon Annually: Yep, you know it VACATION! Something that many of us don't do. It doesn't have to be expensive, you just have to take time to leave your regular life behind for a few days. For me that's this weekend. From Friday morning to Sunday afternoon, it's retreat time. I spend time with my sister, stay in a hotel, eat food I only have to order off a menu, go shopping, walk on the beach and fellowship with other women who love the Lord and just have good old girl time. I always come back spiritually renewed.

Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:29 NASB

The Lord replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest" Exodus 33:14

We've Looked Back and seen what God has brought us through, and we've taken some much needed Chill time with God, it's time to go to Chapter 10 and Press On: March On, O My Soul. This Chapter has given me much to ponder on. You see I'm one of those people who can take the one negative thing I did and make it over shadow all the good things I've done. Jennifer reminds us not to focus on our failures but to focus on our success's. I so need to do this. When I focus on all the negative things and how much I haven't done or didn't do, exactly what Jennifer says happens occurs I feel despair and I feel overwhelmed. I'm not talking with soul talk to myself, I'm just talking myself out of things I can do or am more than capable of doing.

We are reminded that we are not defined by our struggles or are failures. These things are not who we are "What you do and how you feel may loom large on your radar. But what really counts is who you are. Determine your true identity and the act upon it. Don't let the struggle define you; use your true identity to properly define your struggle." When you feel overwhelmed with the task don't give up and don't quit. Sometimes it takes many tries to get something right. We must continue to tell ourselves we can't do something, we will continue to believe it and eventually give up on it.

This is a totally new concept for me. For years I've always looked to far ahead into the process of something, felt overwhelmed by it, and then told myself I can't do it. So the ideas stop there, and have never moved on. Paralyzed by the fear of failing, and overwhelmed by looking to far ahead, and never even thinking about asking God to help me with it. Now I'm pondering this. I first really have to figure out who I am, I need to spend time in prayer over this. I really have no idea where or how God wants to use me in this world. I am going to spend my quiet time this weekend in prayer over this. I'd appreciate your prayers in this as well. I want to March On I just don't know where. I'm going to start by speaking soul talk into my soul and not looking at my flaws and unsuccessful attempts as failures but as growing points. I'm also going to spend sometime in the Soul-Talk Starters she shares with us in the Appendix 1, to remember who I am in God. The other thing I feel the need to do is begin journaling. I've done it here and there but not regularly. So I will keep you updated as I learn to take one step at a time and March On.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witness, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1

But we're not quitters who lose out. Oh no! We'll stay with it and survive, trusting all the way. Hebrews 10:39 MSG

In Him and Through Him,

Carol

ABC's of the Word -- E

2009-03-11T22:59:00.001-07:00

Encourage One Another

1 Thessalonians 5:9-11 (The Message)
9-11God didn't set us up for an angry rejection but for salvation by our Master, Jesus Christ. He died for us, a death that triggered life. Whether we're awake with the living or asleep with the dead, we're alive with him! So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it.

One of the things I've discovered in the last few months of venturing into this world of blogging, is encouragement I have found from all of my new friends, and some old friends who follow that I never expected. I can't tell you how the words that are shared with me have strengthened me and given me such joy. It's just such an awesome thing women from all over the world speaking encouraging words to one another, in comments and in emails shared.

I'm off this weekend to a Women's Retreat with my sister and the ladies of her church, my first church home. This is one of my favorite times of the year, not just because I get to have my time with my sister, but I get to reconnect with many of the other women who encouraged me when I was a baby believer. I'm looking forward to what God has to speak into my heart this weekend. Of course I'll post on it too.

Love,

Carol
For more ABC's of the Word headed over to Pam's at Grey Like Snuffie, and you can read from others the words that God is showing them.

Havin Fun With Friday Fill In's #114

2009-03-06T08:00:00.000-08:00

It's Friday and it's time for again for the Friday Fill in. If you want to read other's go to Janet's blog and you can see everyone who links there. Some really fun stuff. And...here we go!

1.Giving my pocket Serenity Bible to my friend was my last random act of kindness.

2. Another place? Well I don't really want to be in another place in life, God has brought me from the those other places and I don't want to go back.

3. Speak gently in matters of the heart, remember that the other person doesn't really know what's on our heart, and may not realize that hurt has occurred. Be Forgiving and be willing to listen to their heart if you want the to hear yours.

4. Coffee, tea or Cadberry Chocolate Easter Eggs yummy. Actually I like those with tea.

5. Ever notice people can take separate paths for a really long time and then end up seeing each other again in a place you never expected to see each other. That happened with a friend of mine who we use to both live in the world of parties and destruction. Didn't see each other for almost 20 years, and then ended up meeting up again at a Christian Recovery Church event. What did we both say to each other after we were done screaming and hugging, "I never thought I'd see you here" Then we laughed.

6. Our daughter reminds me that there is no way to completely avoid saying the exact same things my mother said, that I swore I'd never say.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to time with Hubby my plans include date night, I think we are going to Black Angus for dinner and then to see that Brad Pitt movie Benjamin something, we are celebrating our 7th year first date (see Has it been 7 year Post), tomorrow my plans include, WW meeting, a haircut, picking up Brinn from her sleepover, and maybe a trip to Verizon to see if we can do something about my hubby's phone it keeps shutting off, and Sunday, I want to go to church, and then come home and rest!

Hope you all have a great week.

Love,

Carol

ABC's of the Word - D

2009-03-05T18:48:00.001-08:00

Draw Near

James 4:7-8 NASB

"7Submit therefore to God Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
8Draw near to God and He will draw near to you

Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded."

Draw near to God, can't you just picture it. Falling into our Lord Jesus' arms and being held so tight, having Him draw you so close to Him, that you can just breathe Him in and feel absolute peace and a love like no other.

For more go to our host Pam at Grey Like Snuffie, you can link to others who are sharing the ABC's of the Word

Has it really been 7 years?

2009-03-04T14:43:00.000-08:00

Today is the 7 year anniversary of mine and Brett's first date. Seven years ago Brett came over to have dinner with Brinn and I. Brinn was a little more than 2 1/2 years old. I'll never forget thinking why would this young buck, then just 22, want to spend time with a 36 year old single mom. I had totally missed all the clues of him hinting around that he was interested in me. When he finally just came out and asked me, my first question was do you have any idea how old I am, because I knew how old he was. He guessed a lower age, and when I told him, he said doesn't matter to me. Then I said you realize I have a 2 year old, (that should scare him off I thought) I like kids he said. Then I told him that my daughter is always with me her bio father only sees her about twice a month for a few hours. He said that's okay with me. So I gave him my phone number, and after some long phone conversations, I figured I'd invite him for dinner to see what my life was like. He'd either leave and never come back, or he'd stick around.

So he came for dinner, not a very good one at that, and we had fun talking and he even endured Brinn's first year scrapbook (now that's a boy that wants to impress). The next thing I knew he was over all the time. Brinn took her time with him, and she made it very clear to him that I was her mommy, and sharing me was not something that she was going to do easily. Brett patiently waited for her to grow comfortable with him. Brinn discovered things that she'd look forward to Brett being over to do, and slowly grew closer and closer to him. So here we are 7 years later a family of 3. You just never know what plans God has for you.

I thought I'd share a picture of Brett and I at his mom's house on our first Thanksgiving together. My other pics were taken with film, and are in a scrapbook, so this was taken with my first digital camera.

And of course you have to see a picture of Brinn, around the same time. She wasn't quite sure what to make of the man eating dinner at our house that night. The only men that ate with us were her Uncles, so she spent most of the first night just watching him.

She's a quick study and learned pretty quick how to charm Brett and had him wrapped around her little finger with in a couple of months. Seriously who could say no to that face.

But at you can see by the time our first Christmas came they were growing closer together, and she'd even taken to calling him daddy Brett. Brett asked Brinn if he could marry her mommy on Christmas Eve and that's when we got engaged.

I never anticipated meeting someone and getting married again, in fact I was actually pretty content being single and just lovin on my sweet Brinn. God however had different plans, and I'm so glad that God didn't let my plans get in the way. God has blessed me with such a wonderful family. My heart rejoices at how much we've grown as a family, and how much God's love fills our home.

Carol

Friday Fill Ins #113

2009-02-26T20:48:00.000-08:00

Good morning everyone, Happy Friday (well actually it's Thursday night, but I wanted to spend time reading in the morning). I'm missing getting to all my bloggy friends, but things have been off kilter all week at our house. I want to drop by and leave some love on your blogs, and let you know how much I appreciate all of you. I also want to thank everyone for praying for Gma, on last report today she'll be in the hospital a few more days. Of course Brinn was sick this week, and now Brett has come down with Brinn's flu, as for me let's just say it's not the best time of the month for me to be off my game. That's okay though because God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. Just a small bump in the road.

Anyway it's time for Friday Fill Ins. Just something fun to keep me in touch. So stop by the Friday Fill Ins blog to see what other's are fillin in.

And...here we go!

1. I'm free in Jesus, I'm washed clean by his blood, I will live in his kingdom forever.

2. Why do I have curly hair now and not when I use to pay a ton of money for perms, and now I want straight hair, and it's curly and difficult to deal with?

3. How does this stimulius plan work, anyway, and where does all this money come from? Hmmm!

4. Every morning, I put Make up on my face, exactly the same way I've been putting it on for years. Foundation, 3 colors of eyeshadow earthtones, eye liner, and mascara. Blush is usually a no, unless I seem a bit paler than normal.

5. I consider myself lucky because, I know the God who loves me, I have a family who loves me, I have a job that considers me valuable, I have a home with food for my family, and I have friends who love and pray for me and my family here in the valley and all over the world how. That is not luck that's blessings from above.

6. One day we’ll see Jesus face to face. Hey isn't that a song!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to taking care of a sick husband, because he always takes care of me when I'm sick, and reading, tomorrow my plans include WW meeting, and really no other plans except maybe grocery shopping and Sunday, I want to go to church, because I didn't get to go last week with my Brinn boo sick, and then just not much else, maybe watch a movie.

Well that's it for me. Hugs to you all, and hope you have a good weekend, I'll be around reading some blogs I'm sure.

Love,

Carol

ABC's of the Word - C

2009-02-26T09:09:00.000-08:00

C Is our Letter for this week, and today the word God placed on my heart is

Comfort.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

This morning as I sat down to read my daily Bible, I was praying for comfort my husbands Grandmother, Betty. She's been in the hospital since Sunday morning with pneumonia complicated by emphysema, congestive heart failure, and she's 84. The doctors thought she would come home yesterday, but they kept her again last night. Right in the middle of my prayer my phone rang, it was my husband and Grandma's gotten worse he said. His mom is on her way to the hospital now. I asked Brett are you praying about Grandma, he said all day, I said I know your praying for Grandma, but are you praying to God for you about how you feeling about Grandma. His answer no, probably not. He's very upset over his Gma (that' s what he calls her), they are very close. He took his past Tuesday off and spent the day with her at the hospital, he loves to make her laugh, and he wanted to encourager and pray with her.

So I ask for prayers for Betty that God would comfort her and take the sickness out of her body, and ask for prayer for my husband Brett that he would feel comfort from our Holy Father.

Grandma was the woman who took him to church when he was little and prayed for him for his salvation. When we met, she told me that she'd been praying for God to bring me to her precious grandson for a long time. She loves to sit now and talk scripture with her precious grandson, I'm praying God will grant them some more time together.

May you all find comfort in the Lord today, and every day.

Love,

Carol

Fro more ABC's of the Word head over to Pam's at Grey Like Snuffies. Just click on the Rose at the top.

Weekends Never Go As Planned/Work, Health & updates and Prayer Request

2009-02-22T18:04:00.000-08:00

First I want to let everyone of my blogin friends, just how truly blessed I am to have met you all, my life has been enriched, and God has used you in so many ways in my life to draw me closer to Him. Thank you for all the constant up lift in prayers, and beautiful comments you leave me. Just wanted you to know.

Well you know those weekends where you think you've got it all planned out and it turns out everything changes. Yep we've had one of those.

Friday turned out that Brinn got invited over to a friends to play after school, Brett already had plans to have a friend come over and watch one of their guy movies in the theater room. So instead of hanging at home, I thought cool I'll get my grocery shopping out of the way, and I can do it by myself. (I like going by myself, no one asking for this or that just get my list and go). So after I got home from the store, I headed over to my daughters friends. They live 3 streets behind us so I walked. It was about 8pm. Our other friends were there so we hung out and talked, next thing you know it's 10pm. It wasn't planned but it was fun.

Saturday morn, Brinn was up as usual and I got up around 8:30, then Brett about an hour later. Things seemed fine, we were planning to go visit our mom's after I got back from my WW meeting. While I was having my tea, Brinn says mom my shoulders really hurt, so I rubbed them. Then she says her forehead hurts like she banged it, and she was cold. Now Brinn is rarely cold, this is a girl who would wear flipflops and shorts all year round, and her idea of a winter jacket is a sweatshirt. Brinn is also notorious for spiking fevers out of no where, but the checked the thermometer and so she covered up with 3 blankets. Brett sent me to my meeting. When I left the meeting called home and yep she had a fever, 100.3. Stop at the store pick up some supplies and head home.

I sent Brett to visit his mom and his Grandma. Brett's grandma was in the hospital on Thursday she has ephasima and she's 84, and the ephasima is getting worse. Brett went over and had lunch with his mom, and then spoiled his Gma as he calls her with her favorite things.

Brinn's fever went all the way up to 103.6, and we had one stomach incident involving Gatorade fruit punch. And she slept on and off all day Saturday and Saturday night. So no church this morning and on and off fevers. She's on the road to feeling better, she's at about 101.00 and Tylenol seems to do the trick. Guess I'll be home tomorrow and lovin on my girl.

It's funny whenever Brinn gets sick I go back when she was a baby. It's just me and her, she wants cuddles and to be fed. With 103 fever she really is a bit wobbly so I indulge. She curls up on my lap, and falls asleep. I can't help but love it, and soak in the comfort of being able to protect her, and that she thinks I'm the best mom in the world. I realize the fact is it won't be long before she won't be able to fit in my lap and all the things that make her sad I won't be able to fix. I pray over my her all the time for the Lord to keep a hedge of protection around her.

Now I have a prayer request for Brett's grandma his mom called and she had to go back to the hospital again, she's having severe trouble breathing. We are comforted by Grandmas relationship with the Lord, and we don't know anymore than that are keeping her overnight. So right now we just ask for the Lord to comfort her, and for doctor's wisdom in treating her.

I want to thank all of you for your prayers regarding my work meeting. It did turn out well. Working for a company as small as ours, there can be some interesting tension. People tend to complain to each other then it filters around becomes gossip, and then blows up out of proportion. That's what was happening. But I soaked in God's word, and prayed to have His will, and His words and the meeting actually ended on a good note.

On another note, God has also answered the prayers offered for me regarding my health. In the 8 years since I've been diagnosed I have had the best test results I've ever had. Praise God!

So I hope all of your weekends were blessed.

Love,
Carol

Friday Fill Ins #112

2009-02-20T16:39:00.000-08:00

Oh TGIF, oh yeah it's Friday (it maybe 11:30pm but it's Friday) and it's time for Friday Fill In's. If you go to the Friday Fill ins you can check out other bloggers too.

1-3 are courtesy of Mar this week.And...here we go!

1. Give me some pictures, paper, and fun embellishments and I'll turn it into a beautiful scrapbook page to remember the occasion by.

2. Whenever I listen to the news and here all the budget crisis, and all the cuts they make to schools, old people, I have to wonder how come the state senators and all the legislators, how come they are getting their salaries cut? I'm so thankful that God is the one really in control.

3. I wish Jesus would come back soon. I'm looking to the heavens.

4. Ben and Jerry's Heath Coffee Ice Cream, was the last thing I ate that was utterly delicious 5 weeks ago.

5. I have to remember this verse To live in this world. Dear friends, I urge you as aliens and strangers in the world to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. 1Peter 2:11-12. I have to live in the world but not be of the world.

6. Other than this one, my friend Heather's at On The Road is the last blog I commented on, stop by and say hi.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to visiting with some friends a bit and then catching up on reading my of all my blog friends, especially ABC's of the Word gals, tomorrow my plans include WW watchers meeting hoping for a better weigh in than last week and visiting the moms mine and my mother in law and grandmother in law. Sunday, I want to spend time at church, maybe say hi to some people I haven't met yet, and then come home, work out, move to phase two of Brinns room excavation and read.

Have a fun weekend.

ABC's of the Word - B

2009-02-19T08:12:00.000-08:00

It's Thursday and time for the ABC's of the Word. Hosted by Pam at Grey Like Snuffie, click on the flower to read other's are sharing. The letter this week is B, and my word is Beloved.

Colossians 3:12-13

12So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;
13bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

In the study notes of my Bible, John MacArthur's tells us that being God's beloved "means believers are the objects of God's incomprehensible special love."

I needed to be reminded of this this morning. This entire verse is so powerful. It is no small thing being called God's beloved. This is not the love we feel for even those closes to us, this is the love of God. Think about it God's love for us is incomprehensible. The American Heritage Dictionary definition says this "Difficult or impossible to understand or comprehend; Impossible to know or fathom: incomprehensible mysteries. Having no limits; boundless."

Paul also tells us in Ephesians 1:6 to the praise of the glory of His grace which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved." In this passage my study notes say this. "Because believers are accepted in Him, then they like Him are beloved of God." God loves us like He loves Jesus, His one and only son.

I'm in awe of the fact that I am God's beloved. I am struggling with an issue regarding work today. It has brought up much anxiety for me, today I reminded with this scripture how small this issue is, as I am reminded I am the Almighty God's beloved, a love that is limitless, unshakable, boundless. That what ever anxiety I have today regarding work, whatever the outcome is my God is so much bigger than that. That God will be with me today and always, and that I am his representative, and I am His beloved.

So whatever you are facing today remember that you are God's Beloved, a love that is bigger than anything we may encounter.

Love,
Carol

Calm Down: I Have Stilled and Quieted My Soul - Ch. 7

2009-02-18T20:02:00.000-08:00

Hi my friends, oh how I need this chapter tonight. I'm here for my weekly day late post of Yes to God, hosted by Lelia over at Write From the Heart. Stop over to see what others are sharing on this chapter. Now we are in Chapter 7, how to still and quiet our souls when anger comes into our thoughts.

The lack of control over what happens in our life, or how others act in our lives can be so frustrating. It reminds us just how little control we really have.

I love what Jennifer wrote here: "Control over the events of our lives is a pleasant day dream at best and a cruel fantasy at worst. Even so, we all seem ready to embrace the mirage." Isn't that the truth. I actually never gave much thought to my need to control things, before I surrendered control of my live to the Lord. I was not raised in a home where confrontation, or fighting was done. We were stuffers of our feelings, and anger was one of them. My mother always told me I was a born mediator, I much better at mediating other's problems and disagreements than I am at handling going head on with someone. That's how I controlled things, I'd mediate the arguments that came to me, like bargaining with someone that was mad. It's now what I do for a living as a property manager I mediate. My old manager use to tell me I was the only person she knew who could take someone who was seething mad because of something I told them they couldn't do, and by the end of the conversation they would leave smiling, happy about what they couldn't do and they thought it was their idea. Again control, well actually manipulation.

God however has shown me that I am a controller, and He stretches me alot by allowing situations that force me to only control the only aspects He has left under our control. My attitude, how I respond to circumstances, my choice to seek God, my choice to be still before Him, and my choice to acknowledge that God is in control and I'm not.

Jennifer reminds us of Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God. "It simply means we quiet ourselves by acknowledging that He is God and we are not. To do that, we must first accept that He has ultimate control and we don not. This is where ultimate peace resides."

So we need to be aware of the things that will block us from be able to be still. Those things that distract us and make us think we have control:

A Negative Mind-Set: or as Brinn and I's Tae Kwon Do teacher use to say Stickin Thinkin. We have to choose what our perspective of things will be. When something comes at me I tend to go to all the bad things that can happen first, or think of arguments to fight with before I even have had the conversation. Throwing gasoline on the fire, instead of God's soothing water as Jennifer says.

After Brinn was born, I had to make a choice about my attitude towards my ex husband. I could choose to let my anger control me and make it difficult regarding visitation, the divorce, and his soon to be new wife, or I could relinquish control to God, and let Him be my lamp. Being bitter and angry in the end would not have accomplished anything, and could have very well been disastrous to Brinn. I chose God's way I had to, but there were many times I tried to take control back, and then confess and give it back to God. Sometimes multiple times in a day.

Anger over Adversity: I love this quote from Jennifer "No one has given us an ironclad promise that life will be fair. It never has been, and it never will be. It is what it is, and it will be what it will be. Accepting that reality isn't the same as approving of your difficult circumstances. It's just being real. Your depression or rage won't make the bad things go away. Bad things really do happen to good people. Innocent people can be treated poorly. Life sometimes takes a wrong turn. Evil won't go away just because it makes you mad."

So true, don't you think. Life doesn't become a bed of roses, because you surrender it to Christ. In fact some of my greatest trials have been since I surrendered. Divorce, illness, financial loss, living through consequences you didn't completely create, and strife with people who don't believe in God's power. It's how you handle the trials and how you react to them that makes Christ evident in your life to you and others.

When Brett admitted all of his addictions, it was the most frightening feel of being out of control. There was absolutely nothing I could do. I could not make him stop taking pills, or stop looking at adult Internet sights. I could not force him into recovery, or to continue to stay sober, and I could not force him to be honest. I had no control over the situations, yet I had to deal with great consequences of his actions. Was that fair, no. So I had a choice, I could leave the marriage, society would have supported it, in fact many thought I should, or I could get on my knees and pray for God to give me strength, understanding, patience, help to forgive, and to fill my heart with love for my husband and not bitterness. Only God could change Brett, and He has. Only God could give me the strength to hang on to a marriage that trust had been dissolved and restore it to so much more than it ever was.

Stubborn Defiance: Hanging on to our anger steals your peace. You defiantly refuse to let go and the anger slowly turns to bitterness. One of things I've heard over and over is bitterness is the poison you drink yourself. It will ruin your life, relationships, and how you view yourself. It will lead you down paths you don't want to go. Stubborn Defiance is to say that God can't make a difference, that you can handle this, or I just don't want to change. It's right where the enemy wants you. "Absence of peace is not an 'I can't' situation. It's an 'I won't' problem. --- Letting go of anger may seem impossible, but my friend, it's not impossible at all. Not with an all- powerful God in your corner! Guard yourself from the belief that you can't and consider that the real problem might be that you just won't!"

This one is something I've had to work very hard on. Eph:4:32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. I soothe my soul with this reminding me that God has forgiven such ugliness in my life, and the sins I commit are as evil and wicked in the eyes of the Lord, as ones that I have experienced at the hands of others. So I cannot live in Stubborn Defiance and have my peace stolen from me, I have to pray and ask God to change my heart, pray for the one who hurt me, and then God restores my peace.

So tonight I started this post with how much I needed this chapter tonight. Well it's not a major deal, but this chapter really spoke to me today. My boss called me today and asked if we could have a meeting over lunch tomorrow, over some maintenance tension. What did I do I immediately starting throwing gasoline words in my thought closet. Fear, resentment, self righteousness all crept in and starting building a fire. I'm already assuming what will be said tomorrow, (you know what that makes me) and had myself all worked up by the time I got home I was really angry, not at my boss but at another coworker. So first I needed some corrective words, that may sting but are true. Like Carol you are not always right, and your defensive hackles are up over something that hasn't even been said, and may not be said. Then I need to find my Lords soothing water and put out the fire, so I can find peace. No matter what God is in control of all situations.

So I close tonight with the verse God gave me tonight that is soothing my soul, and in God's way of getting my attention He gave it to me through Brinn's memory verse this week for school.

God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 1Peter 5:4

Farewell and Peace,

Carol

Oh yes if you would please pray for me and my work situation, that I would honor God in my meeting with my words, as I serve for Him as a witness to the people around me.

An Award and A Tag

2009-02-13T20:06:00.001-08:00

What a sweet surprise, I opened a comment today from the Sherry at Midnight Scrapper, and she sent me this sweet award. She has 2 fun blogs I love to read, It's Just Me and...my coffee & Altered to Perfection. Stop by and say hi, she loves to make new friends too. So I would like to share this award with some of my wonderful bloggy friends too.

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

The awards go to:

Paula Sweet Pea, Tina, Christine, Laura, Stacy, Heather, Lee, Jen That was hard to just pick 8 of you. I have a long list of people who I've met in blogland that I've grown to call friends. So I would award you all, but I'll catch you all soon.

So now on with the Tag. My friend Jen she has a wonderful blog The Perfect Umbrella and Jen is one of my few friends that I know live and in person in the blog world and we go to church together. I'd love for you all to meet her, so if you get a chance stop by her blog and say hi, it'll be worth the trip.

So here is the tag, oh and ladies who I awarded above and Sherry, (except Jen because she tagged me) consider your self tagged too. So Jen shortened the items to 3 Random things about yourself just 3 not so overwhelming is it? So let's see.

1. When I was backpacking in upper Yosemite in high school I had 4 close encounters with bears in 5 days, and the last one I woke up to a bear sniffing the bottom of my sleeping bag looking for snacks.

2. I was a manicurist when I was 19 to 23 years old, even owned a beauty salon in that time. Now I don't even polish my nails, and I rarely get a manicure.

3. I'm allergic to shell fish, I don't just mean like a couple hives, or an itchy mouth we are talking tongue swelling throat closing I can't breathe allergic. Needless to say I'm very careful about eating things like dips and Chinese food. It can be a real party stopper.

Okay there you go 3 very odd random facts about me.

Love,

Carol

Friday Fill In #111

2009-02-13T09:00:00.000-08:00

It's Friday, Yeah! Once again it's time for just for fun post, and...here we go!

1. It seems like yesterday that I signed my daughter up for Kindergarten, and today I preregistared her for 5ht grade.

2. Unplug the charger when you're done, please? That's one of the lessons my daughter was taught today when their class presented taking care of God's world. They are raising money to save the polar bears, and teaching her school about how to be better stewards of the world God created and gave us charge over.

3. If I thought you would take care of it, I'd consider buy it! The answer to my daughter when she asked for an iPod for Christmas.

4. Blessed by God to have you as a part of my life is what I think of most when I think of you.

5. To me, Valentine's Day means less to me than when my hubby brings me flowers, or buys me my favorite candy, just because he thinking of me and loves me, than a day where he's suppose to do it.

6. God gives me strength, hope, and endless unconditional love.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to relaxing at home, and having flank steak for dinner, tomorrow my plans include my WW meeting and weigh in, lovin on my family, eating my hershey bar that Chris sent me to celebrate my 10lb goal and have no other real plans and Sunday, I want to worship at church, scrapbook, and be thankful that I have Monday off!

Hope everyone has a great and blessed weekend.

Love,

Carol

ABC's of the Word Thursday's

2009-02-12T15:10:00.000-08:00

So I've decided to jump in and take on the ABC's of the Word hosted by Pam at Grey Like Snuffie. I first started following along with my friend Liz at Liz's letters, and then met Pam through the Yes to God Study. I thought it was a good way to do some deeper soul searching on the verses God puts out, and a fun challenge. Since Pam is starting again with the letter A, I thought I'd join in.

So here is my "A" verse.

Dear friends, I urge you as aliens and strangers in the world to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. 1Peter 2:11-12.

Have you ever felt that you didn't belong, or like you don't fit in? I know I feel that a lot. It's funny God has been showing me all of these different verses about how I don't belong in this world, and to not follow the ways of the world. In fact it's been almost daily for the last couple weeks. Not just through verses, but sermons at church, on the radio, and even through worship songs. I believe God is revealing these things to me, to comfort me, to know I'm not alone, to strengthen me to keep living this way, and yes that I don't belong to this world I belong to Him.

When I first answered God's call to follow Him, I noticed things changing in my world. The things I thought were okay, suddenly made me feel uncomfortable, I was seeing with new eyes. Now almost 10 years later, I really feel like an alien. Now with my husband and his new life in Christ, we both feel that way. We have many people in our lives that are not Christians, who think we are just weird because of the things we abstain from. Even some of our friends who are Christians find it hard to understand why we won't go see certain movies, or why we don't watch certain TV shows. It's something that God has placed heavily on our hearts.

In the American Heritage Dictionary the word Alien is defined as: Belonging to, characteristic of or constituting another and very different place, society, or person: stranger. Okay that makes sense I want to be seen that I live my life differently.

Then I looked up Abstain: To refrain from something by one's own choice. This told me that I have a choice to follow what pleases God or what pleases the world. I choose what pleases God.

It's not always easy, many times in a work situation, my husband and I have to hold our tongues as to things said. We sometimes can't even partake in a regular conversation, because we don't have a clue to what they are talking about, and this can be hard and sometimes tempting to crossover to the worlds ways. Through this last year with the election and the battle of Proposition 8 we heard many views from both non believers and believers. People asked us alot our opinions who and how we were voting and why we were voting that way. We prayed a lot for guidance and sought the scriptures, and cast our ballots. We prayed for guidance on how to share with people in love why we voted the way we did. I think this year especially have I felt what Peter said "Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. And we feel it more and more. That's okay though we look to the Lord for our guidance, we are more concerned about pleasing the Lord than people.

We know that the Holy Spirit has guided us towards the things we need to abstain from and those things that can harm us or make us fall. We support each other in that, we teach our daughter those things. Most importantly we feel at peace with it.

We laugh because we have a really big Not of the World decal on the back window of our car. Some people who have seen it have even asked us well what world are you from, are you aliens. So I guess the correct answer is yes.

My pastor this past Sunday asked what was defining our view of Jesus. Were we looking at Him as a way to get the things we want, have we let the culture we live in define who He is and how we believe. Or are we looking to the scriptures, and what Jesus himself told us who He is. Something I've been pondering over all week.

So while I might not fit in at the company party, or people might think I'm to conservative in my thinking, or intolerant, I hope they also see that I live with Hope, and Joy. I know someday I will fit in, I'll be at home when I'm sitting at my saviors feet.

Love,

Carol

Look Up: Hope in God, My Soul Chapter 6

2009-02-11T21:14:00.000-08:00

Can you believe we've hit Chapter 6, this study is just flying by. I'm lovin it. If you haven't gotten this book, make sure you do. It's Yes to God Tuesdays and I'm a day behind, to here what others have to say pop on over to our hostess Lelia's blog, you can link to the other ladies in our little family.

HOPE! That is what this chapter is all about. Jennifer shares with us the way an unknown Psalmist talks to his soul. "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?" Psalm 42:5 The Psalmist is talking to his soul trying to figure out what is making him feel so sorrowful. As Jennifer called it "honest soul exploration" first being honest with yourself that feel despair, and then asking your soul why. What is making you feel troubled, and searching for the source.

I have to say that this little section alone is so important. How many times have we beat up on ourselves for feeling sad, negative, fearful, or anxious. How many of us have heard that Christians aren't suppose to feel those things, that if we do we don't have enough faith. Well guess what we do and it's okay it's normal. This is when it's time though to sit down and have a good old fashion talk with your soul, and find out where the despair comes from. This is where God teaches us to look to Him to fill our souls and find our Hope. This is where God shows us that the things of the world cannot give us hope. This is when we learn to lean and trust in God. When we are in despair we must find out where it comes from so we can begin healing from it.

Jennifer says: "Despair won't go away just because we ignore it, run from it, drown it out, or deny it. A soul in despair must be honest enough to admit the truth. That's where it all begins."

When we first started this study, I shared back in Chapter 2 how I was feeling very down and frustrated, so much so that my husband was worried that I might be slipping into a depression. That day I sat down, started praying, and asking God to show me what was causing this sadness. I knew I didn't feel right in my spirit, and I didn't want to slip deeper.

I love how Jennifer has us visualize a table and the stability of it's four legs as the balance in our life. "When one of the essential areas of our lives is loose, damaged, neglected, or removed, we will be shaky and imbalanced. We will easily tip and fall into despair." Just like a table if one of the legs are broken or even loose it becomes unsteady or worse falls. Like a table we have four essential supports, ironically as I read through these I realized that I had been working on strengthening these supports, since that day I posted on Chapter 2.

Emotional Leg: "Emotions are valid and important gifts from God. But because they can be very powerful and very present, we can easily believe they represent facts. -- Our problems usually have less to do with our circumstances than with the way we choose to feel about them. --Remember, feelings aren't the same things as facts." I think we can all relate to making decisions based on our emotions. I've made many decisions that were based on my emotions, and they usually ending up a mess. These have involved financial decisions, relationship decisions, work related decisions just to name a few. This leg needs constant monitoring, I always have to stop and check my emotions, and pray for wisdom.

Physical Leg: "Never discount the impact of physical wellness on our souls' wellness. Your body needs adequate rest, healthy food, and moderate exercise." I can definitely relate to this one. My physical leg has been out of whack for the last year. Having my illness I need to be aware of my bodies needs. When I neglected them or ignored them, as I did in 2007, it brought me into a relapse in my health, which then affected every other part of my life and my families life. Only recently have I realized how much I needed to make some changes again. Things I had done but let go of. Resting when my body felt tired, not over committing to things, eating healthy, and exercising had lost as one of my priorities. Then I would become hard on myself when I had saw where it had taken me. I cannot cure my illness only God can, but he has given me the tools and the knowledge to take better care of myself. So this leg right now is under repair.

Mental Leg: "Brains like to be challenged. Your mind needs to have something to do, or it will create something to do -- something that might not be so constructive." When I think of all the time I spent watching TV. Not just something new, or interesting, but reruns of shows I'd seen 2 or 3 times talk about idle brain. Now I don't mean to offend, but I have pretty much put the majority of TV out of my life. I really haven't found anything worth watching that should suck up my precious free time to watch. I've been reading more, love reading my Message Daily Bible, books, and blogs. I have also found that blogging has given me a way to work my mind and write my thoughts and expand on them. Of course I love to create too, that really gets my brain working. So stimulate that brain, with things of value, and that bring you enjoyment. My hubby always teases me says how do you know all this stuff, I just say I don't know I read it somewhere.

Spiritual Leg: "A deep longing resides in each of us that only God can meet. Neglecting this longing doesn't make it go away. It will only continue to grow, and left untended, it leads to a sort of melancholy of the soul. -- When our spiritual needs aren't met, we experience the effects physically, emotionally, and mentally. -- Your spiritual nature is the part of you that is eternal. It's the part of you that will live forever and longs to commune with the eternal God. -- As we transfer trust from ourselves to Him, we find deep satisfaction, and our longing is fulfilled." Oh how true this is. I feel it every time I've drifted away from spending time with God, when I've slipped into the "Sunday Christian Mode". It's affected my life in huge ways. That's when I make decisions based on feelings, or slip into mind numbing entertainment, and lack of physical motivation to take care of myself. My time with God is so precious to me. I have such a hunger to read the word, and learn more about God, and what His plan is for me. I talk to God all the time like he's sitting right next to me, like I would talk to a friend sitting with me. It's apparent to me that strengthening that Spiritual Leg will keep the others from needing so much repair.

LOOK UP: HOPE IN GOD!

HOPE! It such a small word with such a huge impact. Jeremiah 29:11 has been my life verse since I first gave my life to the Lord it was the first verse I ever memorized, " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future" This verse carried me through the uncertainty of being a single mom, when God brought me back to work, when I got sick, when my husband admitted his addictions, and through many other trials. God is our HOPE and He promises that to us. It may not be the future we expected, but it's what He knows is best for us, and so I HOPE in his plan for me. This verse is in big beautiful letters written on the walls of my thought closet, when I feel despair and am crying out to God I repeat this over and over like a chant, and He brings me peace.

I love the story she shared about the women's husband Bruce that is a quadriplegic. When people asked him if he couldn't wait to get to heaven so he could walk his reply was so powerful " 'I'm not so interested in getting to heaven so I can walk or run or jump,' he replies. ' I long for heaven because there I can kneel.'" Wow, have you ever met someone like that. I have, she's my daughters best friends mother, she inspires me with her hope and her faith. She has MS and is confined to a wheel chair, mostly bed now. She's in and out of the hospital for seizures, and yet when ever I go over to her house she is always smiling, she is always concerned for others, and she never complains. Now of course I don't live with her so I'm sure she has her moments, but I really don't believe that she could endure without her Hope in Christ, and her husbands hope in Christ. When I feel whinny about my illness I think of her. I call her just to chat, because she reminds me to Look Up.

Jennifer reminds us, "When we look up, we broaden our view and are able to see that our losses remind us of all that we have received. Hope is lost when we focus only on our own problems. But choosing hope widens our perspective."

Jennifer asked the question what do we put our hope in? In these times in our country people are putting their hope in all kinds of places, false religions, people, government, self help books, it's heart breaking. So many people are living in uncertainty. My friend just told me today that her husband was let go from work. Here in California, our budget still hasn't passed, and they are making cuts all over the different agencies. Of course there is all the other things going on in our country, and the world around us. I hear so much fear in peoples voices, and the majority of people seem to be putting their hope in our new President. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but let's be realistic he's just a man, so he is not where my hope lies. The presidents power is limited. If we put our hope in earthly things our hope will perish. "Such is the destiny of all who forget God; so perishes the hope of the godless." Job 8:13. So where do I put my hope. MY HOPE IS IN THE LORD. My Lord has no limits. "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles: they will run and not grow weary, the will walk and not be faint." Isiah 40:31. I have to put my HOPE in the Lord, if I don't I will end up trembling under some broken table somewhere, not sleeping, worried about things that haven't happened yet, and things I can't control. I don't want to live that way, I don't have to either.

This quote from Jennifer's book is where I want to be, "The most hopeful people I know are those who place their trust n God. Liberated from the need to always be in control, they are able to rest in Him rather than struggle to avoid difficulties in this life. They don't become hopeless because their hope is in God, not in themselves or the alleviation of their circumstances." My hope in God has carried through many difficult trials in this last 9 1/2 years, and it fills me now even when so many around me have no hope. My prayer is that all my family and friends who don't know the Hope I have found in God, will come to find it. I would love to share it with you. It's a gift God gave us that He wants us to pass on.

Love,

Carol

Thank you Christine. I love it!

2009-02-09T20:54:00.001-08:00

Look what I got in the mail today. Isn't it sweet. The most adorable kitchen towels, and 3 yummy Hershey Bars. One for each member of my family.

My new blog friend Christine at Wash, fold, put away, and repeat, had a drawing and I won. I was super excited.

Make sure you stop by her blog, she has a fun blog and a beautiful heart. I especially like to days post about her 3 special guests.

And just for clarification I can even eat my chocolate bar on Valentines day because it's only 5 points, so it will be my special treat, to celebrate a day of love, and my 10 lbs I lost.

Thank you Christine, you rock!

Love, Carol

Want to play a game.

2009-02-09T13:35:00.000-08:00

My Friend Naomi over at Among the Gum Trees is playing a game. If you want to play, just let me know and I'll give you a letter! It's an easy one and you don't have to tag anybody. Here's how you play! Naomi listed 10 things that started with a certain letter. These have to be 10 things that you love! And if you can ad a picture of one of the things you love. She assigned me the letter "D". So, here goes--in no particular order:
1. Darling Husband: or my dh as I refer to him on the scrapbook forums. Watching him grow with God has been such a great privilege to see. He's such a wonderful husband and father.
2. Daughter: I love my Brinn she is the gift that God gave me that I didn't know I needed. It was the love I had for her that God used that finally opened my heart and eyes to Him.
3. Dogs: I love all shapes and sizes. I've had 9 dogs in my life, and twice there were 3 at a time.
4.Devotional Time: I love the time I get to spend with God in worship and study, and listen for His voice.
5. Days Off: Both with my family, and by myself.
6. Donuts: This is why I'm on Weight Watchers. I love Apple Fritters, Maple Bars with custard. I must not think about donuts.
7. Designing: Scrapbook pages, altering projects, journals, canvas projects, anything that has to do with art and using my hands. The more ink and paint the better.
8. Digital Camera: I love my cameras, being able to take photos and not having to wait and see if they turned out.
9. Decorating Shows on HGTV. One of the few times I watch tv, I love to watch decorating shows. I don't actually decorate my home, but if I ever do I'm full of ideas.
10. Driving by myself, with my worship music loud, so I can sing as loud as I want to the Lord, and know that He finds it beautiful.
And here is my picture of my daughter Brinn and our dog Nikita. Aren't they too cute.

Let me know if you want to play, leave me a comment, and I'll give you a letter.

Love,
Carol

Hugs from Brinn and Nakita too.

Friday Fill Ins on Saturday Morning

2009-02-07T08:35:00.000-08:00

Better late than never. I almost did these early on Thursday night, but I didn't. Last night my niece Amy came over and well I never got to my putter. So join the fun at Friday Fill Ins

This week the questions are from YellowRose, so stop by her blog and say hi.

1. Please don't tell it's already February, why is time moving so fast.

2. Can you think in the morning, my brain is on auto pilot until I had my coffee?

3. The color purple makes me want to create! My scrapbook room is purple, it's such a happy place.

4. I have a craving for the bread pudding my sister makes, yummy.

5. If my life had a pause button, I'd pause it in June of 2002, and listen to God and not my flesh and had made a different decision.

6. Eyes are the first place I look when I need to see the truth in someone.

7. And as for the weekend, last night I'm made dinner for my family, heard from my Amy how her school and her community came together to help a family who's son was shot and killed (he was in her senior class and only 17) and how she used her gift to create a slide show of his photos and art for the parents to show at his memorial. The family had no money to any type of funeral or cremation, and the students and teachers were able to raise enough for them to celebrate his life, tomorrow my plans include WW weigh in going for my 10lb mark, then we 3 girls are off to see a movie, later time with Brinn and hubby and Sunday, I want to go hear more on my pastors teaching of Mark the series has really spoken to my heart, and then hang out and rest!

Now I'm off to go visit Yellow Rose, and check out some other friends on Friday Fill ins.

Love,

Carol

Tune In: Awake, My Soul Chapter 5

2009-02-04T22:00:00.000-08:00

I can't believe we are in week 5 of Yes to God's latest book study. If you get a chance to stop over to Lelia's blog this week and leave her some love and prayers, she's a special lady who leads our study, and shares her heart with transparency.

This weeks chapter in Self Talk Soul Talk, takes us into a new section, how to talk to our Souls. I love the analogy of the dirty grungy apartment stoves that Jennifer confess to obsessively cleaning. It made me laugh, in truth because as some of you may know I manage apartments, and believe me I've seen some pretty grungy, disgusting stoves, (Although at my apartments I don't let them go to a new resident that way.)I could write a whole other blog on the adventures of my apartment management, but I digress. This though was an excellent visual for me, because I've seen how hard you have to work to get some of this stuff clean and it takes work, and diligence.

In this chapter she started out talking about about David's prayer in Psalm 57:8 Awake, my soul! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn. How prayed in the midst of his own sin and failure. We must keep our souls awake and be aware of the distractions that the enemy uses to keep us away from our treasures, what we value most. Jennifer reminds us: "sometimes we become sleepy and apathetic toward some of our poor choices and negative attitudes. Instead of keeping our eyes open to such things, we tend to neglect careful daily cleansing, and we grow accustomed to the grimy buildup that coats the surface of our souls. And we begin to fool ourselves into believing nothing is amiss." Did this hit me it was like I looked inside and saw all those places that I'd been letting the grime build up.

Jennifer the speaks of distractions. Not all distractions are bad, in fact many of them can be good but it's the balance, and if we let our distractions consume us we loose our focus on our true treasures. What we put our effort and time on is what becomes our priorities. "Whatever your treasures is, there your heart and thought will also be" Matthew 6:21.

Over the last year and a half, God has been doing a work in me on my distractions. This was a huge problem for me, I could hardly tell the difference between distraction and treasure. God has put on my heart many things that I needed to remove from my life. This chapter is very timely for me. Immersing myself in distractions is how I hid from my problems, or how I try to control my own life.

There was a point in my life a little over two years ago, where I had myself super busy. I was taking Tae Kwon Do, with Brinn and was there at the studio probably 8 to 10 hours a week, then I was trying once again to do a direct selling business of scrapbook stuff, so when I wasn't at the studio I was trying to promote my business, I was working at my job, and then I would fit in mom and wife, and other things. I wasn't taking care of my health and getting the proper rest, I was ignoring the fact that my husband was drifting off into his world of addiction, my daughter spent hours in front of the TV, and I hadn't opened my Bible in so long that it was buried somewhere in my scrapbook room. My had the grime built up.

God though he didn't let me off the hook. Brett's addictions were exposed, and I gave up Tae Kwon Do, I had to, I was afraid to leave him alone, and I had to drive him to recovery groups for the first 5 months almost every night, and then of course I gave up the Scrapbooking business, that was a flop. More importantly I found my Bible, and my first treasure, I dug it out of the back of my thought closet, and placed it right in the front, along with my other treasures.

That's when God started showing me my distractions, and that I need to put Him first.

When I first started getting sick again in Nov of 2007, followed with a night in the hospital a year ago January for a blood transfusion, and then a major relapse in July of my AIH, God was preparing me for this next part of my closet cleaning with Him. Since that day in August of 2006 when Brett's addictions were revealed, God has lead me from one Bible Study to the next each one exactly what I needed at the time to understand who I am in Him, and now once again in His amazing timing He's showing me through this study how to put Him front and center. Jennifer reminds us how even little distractions, can cost us dearly, and that we must be alert to them. Whether they are good distractions or sinful, the enemy can use them to destroy our testimony, our family, relationships, cause us to put up walls and try to hide from God, and keep us distracted enough to keep us from turning to our Lord daily for our strength. In 1Peter 5:8 Peter reminds us "Be careful! Be alert. Watch out. Stay awake. A roaring lion is out there, and it's stalking your and seeking to destroy you." Distractions are that roaring lion we here it so many times we don't even notice it anymore, and then when we are so use to it, we forget to listen for it, it's then that it pounces on us, taking us down to a place that we never intended to go.

I like how Jennifer worte about distractions: " They occupy more prime space than we can really afford to give them. As a result, our greatest treasures may be shoved up against the back wall, all but invisible and nearly inaccessible."

So I'll share with you some of my distractions:

The Internet/Facebook and yes blogs, not bad but I can sure spend a lot of time on them.

Scrapbooking/Altered Art, I love this I could get lost in my scrapbook room for days.

Fussing over our finances.

Worrying about other peoples perceptions of me.

Worrying about my medical condition.

Worrying about my appearance.

What are my treasures:

My quiet time with the Lord

My faith

Pleasing God in being obedient

Finding God's purpose for me

My family

My friends

So that's great Carol, I know what my distractions are and what my treasures are so how do I keep my treasures front in center? Well Jennifer answered that: " By talking to your soul. What you tell your soul in those crucial moments of decision throughout your day will make all the difference. When your soul is tuned in, alert and awake, your closet will remain tidy." She also gives us questions to ask your self: "Does this allow me to value my treasure? Does this cause me to treat my treasure with less value? How does this impact my family?"

We must fill ourselves with God's words daily, memorize scripture, and pray constantly. Find scriptures that speak to your soul, scripture that takes the place of the negative thoughts you've filled your closet with. Remember the Lion is roaring all those negative thoughts, the enemy will use everything to distract you from your treasures, but by filling our minds with Soul Talk you can shut the lion out, let him roar, "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds" 2Corinthians 10:4. There are power in Gods word "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edge sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

This chapter was so rich, I could keep writing, but I am going to leave you with the Psalm 57. When I read it it soothes my soul.

1Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,

for in you my soul takes refuge.

I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings

until the disaster has passed.
2 I cry out to God Most High,

to God, who fulfills {his purpose} for me.
3 He sends from heaven and saves me,

rebuking those who hotly pursue me; Selah

God sends his love and his faithfulness.
4 I am in the midst of lions;

I lie among ravenous beasts—

men whose teeth are spears and arrows,

whose tongues are sharp swords.
5 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;

let your glory be over all the earth.
6 They spread a net for my feet—

I was bowed down in distress.

They dug a pit in my path—

but they have fallen into it themselves. Selah
7 My heart is steadfast, O God,

my heart is steadfast;

I will sing and make music.
8 Awake, my soul!

Awake, harp and lyre!

I will awaken the dawn.
9 I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;

I will sing of you among the peoples.
10 For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;

our faithfulness reaches to the skies.
11 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;

let your glory be over all the earth.

Psalm 57

Love,

Carol

For My Friend Who Is Waiting......

2009-02-02T13:34:00.000-08:00

This weekend I watched for the second time the movie Fireproof. I love this movie for many reasons. I love that I can watch it with my daughter who's 9 and she can see in it that marriage is something that can be saved and made better when you put God at the center. I love watching the change that comes over the Caleb after he's given his heart to God. For me too the battle of the parasite of pornography is one that my husband battled, and I along with him had to learn to forgive, and learn the ways to help him in that battle. I even spoke almost word for word, Katherina's words to her mom, "when did I stop being good enough", myself to our Lord as we raged through our own battle.

But as I watched this movie on Friday night it was the song, "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller, that I loved the first time, but this time it put my dear friend Paula, better know to us in the blogshpere as Paula Sweet Pea, on my heart. This song reminded me of her this weekend as she patiently waits on God for answerer to her prayer.

I'm not sure how to embed a a video, something I could use help on if any of you want to share some advice, but here is a link to the video from the Fireproof "While I'm Waiting"

Paula, my prayer for you and your beloved continue. Love ya Girlfriend.

These are the Lyrics to.
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Love,

Carol

Tag I'm It

2009-01-31T21:41:00.000-08:00

I was just tagged by my buddy, Victoria.

Here are the rules of the tag:Here are the rules:

1. Go to the section of your computer where you store all of your photos.

2. Select the 6th folder.

3. Select the 6th photo from that folder.

4. Post and explain about that picture.

5. Tag 6 other people

Okay So here it is, this picture of Brinn was taken when I got my new camera, we were just messing around and she was making funny faces pertending to be surprised. Isn't she funny.

So I'm going to tag my friend Connie, Liz, Naomi, Heather, Lee, and Cindy. Have fun!

Friday Fill Ins!

2009-01-30T09:35:00.000-08:00

Yeah it's Friday and you know what that means! Time for Friday Fill Ins. Join in go grab the questions and just fill in the rest. Totally random, but lots of fun. Stop by and check out other's fill ins two.

And...here we go!
1. I'd really like to go to the beach right now, and watch the waves, read my bible and just chill out with God for the day.

2. Ahhhg, crap I mean crud that really hurt are the words you'd most often hear me say if I stubbed my toe.

3. Possession is in the eye of the beholder, oh no that's beauty. Well if your my dog if it's in her mouth it's hers, and we don't usually have a problem with that. But really everything we have belongs to the Lord.

4. Captain Jack Sparrow, is one of my favorite movie charachters. He actually reminds me of some people I've meet back in my old life.

5. Marshmallows and fire go together like graham crackers and chocolate, oh and yummy smores, I wonder how many WW points that is. Hm there are those flex points, wait no I must stop thinking about smores.

6. My daughter as much as I love her can make a double sided worksheet of math go on and on.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watching Fireproof on DVD with my husband (we saw it in the theater and loved it, I highly recommend it)tomorrow my plans include cleaning out and rearranging Brinn's room, weigh in at WW meetings, lost 8.4 lbs last week (gotta love that water weight), and have our new friends from church over for dinner and Sunday, go to church and hear what God has for me in the message then I want to work on a altered frame window valance for Brinn's room, but will probably still be going through all her stuff.

Talk to you all soon. Have a great weekend!

Speaking Truth To Your Issues Chapter 4

2009-01-27T20:32:00.000-08:00

This week in Chapter 4 Speaking Truth To Your Issues, from Jennifer Rothschild book Self Talk Soul Talk was again speaking to my heart. So if you have been following along this is the second study I've done in the Yes to God study hosted by Lelia at Write From the Heart.

Issues, me of course we all have issues. Those things that cause us to fear, sickness, money, relationship problems. We all have them. Jennifer said this, "We find ourselves with one defining circumstance in our lives that becomes the headwaters from which many other issues originate and flow." So this has caused me to think a lot about what was my defining circumstance. I know for me it always seems to flow back to when my father died when I was 12. From that point life changed dramatically for me. It's from there that the many issues that have shaped my life have flowed. So that is where I will start my cleansing.

But it wasn't this part of the chapter that really stood out to me, but when she talked about the story of the bleeding woman found in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke. It struck me because only a couple weeks back my pastor did a sermon with her story in it. It wasn't even remotely on the same topic, but still I felt a nudge this morning as I thought of her. Then tonight as I sat down to gather my thoughts for writing this blog post God showed me how much I was like her on the day I finally fully by faith only, relinquished my life over to Jesus. This is what I'm led to share with you.

It was Mother's Day 1999, I was 8 months pregnant with Brinn, I walked into the EV Free Church in Fresno because it was the closest to my house. I was by myself, the church was huge, and there were all these happy couples and families. I remember them giving me a carnation as I sat in the back row of the Church. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been to church. I knew of Jesus, and had even prayed the sinner's prayer, but the seeds fell in the weeds and had been choked. I cried my way through the service, and truthfully I don't even know what the sermon was about, but I do remember hearing that Jesus loved me know matter where I'd been, and that I was suppose to be there that day. I filled out a prayer request card asking for help, someone to talk too. I remember what I wrote: My husband had recently told me he know longer wanted to be married to me, that he'd found the woman he was meant to be with. I'm 8 months pregnant and feel completely lost and alone. Mark 5:27 When she heard about Jesus....

I knew about Jesus as the woman had, and that Sunday I had to be somewhere where I knew I could find Him, or someone could help me find Him. That next Tuesday I was desperate, I had called my sister she said why don't you call the church. So I did. That afternoon I spoke to Pastor Roy Pope, and we talked on the phone he told me that he knew how I could find help and that he wanted me to come meet with him the next day. So that next day I went to the office, and I met Pastor Pope for the first time. He listened as I cried and told him how desperately I wanted to save my marriage, that I didn't want my little baby to grow up in a divorced family, that I had no family close by and only a few coworkers that I knew.

He told me that God was not going to leave me and my baby alone, and then he explained the great gift of salvation, and why all the years of trying to earn God's love wasn't the answerer. He said imagine you went out and found the perfect gift for someone you love, you couldn't wait for them to open it and see how much you loved them by giving them this gift, but when you received it they said how much do I pay you for your gift. This is what we do when we try to earn God's love through good deeds, and other works. Jesus is the perfect gift that God has picked out for you, and all you have to do is open it and put your faith in that gift of Jesus that God will provide for all your needs and your child's needs. It was like scales came from my eyes, and someone opened my ears. "she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." Mark 5:27 -28 I reached out touched Jesus cloak, because at that moment I knew out of sheer desperation, and being completely broken that He would heal my heart, as I prayed, and confessed my unworthiness "Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." Mark 5:33-34 I cried not out of sadness, but out of excitement over feeling a sudden overwhelming of peace.

So what does all this have to do with Self Talk and Soul Talk, partly nothing except tonight God laid this on my heart to share with whoever chooses to read this post. The other though is slowly over the last 9 almost 10 years God has been working me through my issues. He has changed who I am, the way I see things, and the way I live my life, and now He's changing the way I talk to myself exposing the lies that I've listened to from my thought closet over and over again. He has shown me many areas that we have worked my way through. And reading this book has opened my eyes up to the fact that I still try to take over and do it my self. I probably would have survived through the last 10 years had I not reached out for my Jesus, but the different scenarios that come to mind based on how I've controlled my life are to messy and depressing to go there. God has taken my life and turned it around, I have a life that I love, and I love it because I have a Savior who loves me, and His Spirit guides me (when I'm quiet enough to listen).

I like what Jennifer had to say as a reminder in these quotes, that soul talk is no just positive affirmation sayings you put on sticky notes around your house: "By faith we receive truth, By faith we believe truth. And by faith we act on that truth. ; Soul Talk can never be a substitute for faith. ; Soul Talk is faith's companion, not it's replacement. ; Soul Talk cannot be a replacement for prayer either.; Our issues can dictate our beliefs, color our actions, and affect our attitudes. But so can our faith."

So as I continue to plow through the mine field of issues I have, I will not be in their alone, I will have the Holy Spirit that God sent to me on that day in May 1999, to take me by the hand. "But when He sends the Counselor as my representative-- and by the Counselor I mean the Holy Spirit--he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I myself have told you." John 14:26

Jennifer reminds us of the 4 roles of the Holy Spirit:
He is our Counselor : "He is safe, He is wise. He is objective. He is absolutely committed to our ultimate good. And we can trust Him never to lead us off course."
He Represents Christ: "He mirrors God's truth. His guidance always lines up with the truth of God's Word. The Spirit never leads us in ways that oppose Scripture."
He is our Teacher: "He stamps out ignorance, replacing it with wisdom and discernment light-years beyond our own. He's a Mentor who teaches and guides with greater understanding than our own."
He Reminds us of Truth: Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Following God's Spirit has always led me down the right road, following my own well let's just say it always ended up in some kind of train wreck at the end.

So as I turn my battle of my issues of; fear, worthlessness, low self esteem, denial, self doubt, feeling inadequate and the list goes on, I know that I'm in there with the ONE who will never leave me, never give up on me, never tell me that he doesn't love me, but will carry me through and patiently cover and replace and remove all those things that are in there now.
I pray that you know my Jesus too.

Love,
Carol

It's time again for Friday Fill Ins

2009-01-23T20:48:00.000-08:00

Okay it's time for Friday Fill-Ins

Pop on over to join in on the fun.

Here We Go!

1. Oh, I am so thankful for my family, my friends, to have my job, my home, and more than anything I'm thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

2. I'm making changes, big and little, in my life. Diet, the way I talk to my self, and filling my heart with the words that God would tell me not the things I've been saying to me for too many years.

3. During next 30 days, I"m sticking to my Weight Watchers Plan.

4. $100,000 dollars for a desk, $30,000 for a rug, bonuses of millions given out after they ask for the taxpayers to bail them out, and news people asking what's wrong with these guys,uhm could it be GREED ; are you kidding me??? Sorry this just makes me upset.

5. Right now I'd like to be right here at home with my family.

6. My Laptop is my favorite computer toy, My Cricut is my favorite scrapbooking gadget.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to dinner with friends tomorrow night with a rousing game of Wii bowling, tomorrow my plans include WW meeting, tutoring for Brinn, and helping Brinn build her mission San Luis Obispo and Sunday, I want to go to church, and go for a walk, but will probably be moving Brinn's room around.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

Choosing Wise Words - Chapter 3

2009-01-21T18:44:00.000-08:00

I'm a day behind. We had a 3 day weekend and those always seem to throw me off. Happily sharing with you what God spoke to me about in our Yes to God book study Self Talk, Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild is never too late.

Thanks again to Lelia our fearless leader at Write From the Heart for leading this blog study. If you want to read what others are sharing pop on over to Lelia's blog and you can read what the other woman are finding out.

Okay on with the study. This was another chapter of ahas for me. Last week I had been determined to take my thoughts captive. I was feeling really down, and I have to tell you that every day after I shared with you all I felt up lifted. I did have to battle my own thoughts, and stop and ask myself what would Jesus tell me. So this week I am feeling really good. I'm starting to replace those ugly words with God's loving words, and it's soooo much better.

Jennifer first caught me with this, "We live by our assumptions, our beliefs about the way things are. We often aren't even aware of such ideas until we exercise a little self-examination. Our thoughts and our actions flow from or assumptions." I'm not sure about you, but I never really thought about that. The things we learn, and are told, and perceive about our self ooze out into the way we are and the way we expect people to treat us, and yes the way we treat others.

Jennifer compared this to a tree bearing fruit. "our assumptions are the root, and our thoughts are the fruit. The root of wrong thinking is always a faulty assumption. The root of right thinking is always an assumption based on truth."

But here is the deal, we can't just cut off the fruit, we have to dig up the tree by the root to get rid of it. I know of two roots that I have been shown over the last year, one is a tree that root is abandonment that one is a big one and the other root is insecurity and low self esteem, and then in a weird way I think there is one of pride. These are the trees I'm going to start with, the ones God has shown me for now. There are probably others too and I'm sure God will show them to me as He guides me through this process.

So first I need to be able to recognize truth. Jennifer tells us that first we are to "Request Wisdom" Ask God to give you wisdom He wants us to ask. Jennifer referenced James 1:5 "In any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him" Could it be that easy, God loves me and He wants me to make choices on based on His truth and guidance through the Holy Spirit. So I have to ask for wisdom, and then believe that I will receive it.

Next is to "Revere God" Jennifer quotes Proverbs 9:10 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." "To fear the Lord doesn't mean to be deathly afraid of Him. No He is good and kind. But He is also just and worthy of our highest regard and respect. To fear the Lord means we reverence Him. It means to show deference and respect." We need to look at who's opinion we value more, who's truth do you seek. We need to look to God for our truth, search the scriptures He breathed life into, and pray.

Third is to "Receive Counsel" once again she reaches into Proverbs for these wise words, "the wise of heart will receive commands". and then she reminds us "When we walk with wisdom, it will wear off on us." I love the interview she had with Patsy Clairmont. Patsy shared with her something that struck me and this was my aha moment.

Patsy said, "I had so many people saying things to me that were in conflict with what I was saying about myself. One us had to be wrong!" So when I had more and more people saying the same positives to me, and my words were all negative, I had to stop and say, Everyone can't be wrong. Do I trust their judgment? And do I think they are wise? Am I willing to receive what they are saying is truth? If I am, then I have to change the messages in me."

That struck me right to my core, because I do that. I have people tell me things, positive things and I have this negative tape in my head saying they are wrong, or I just put it off as they don't really know me. Now though, I have to ask myself these questions about the people who say positive things to me. Do I trust their judgment, do I think they are wise? Some of these people I can say absolutely, in fact one lady came to mind that I have thought of as a mentor for a while, she was always telling me the opposite of what I'd tell myself. There are others too, my husband, my sister I trust their judgement. There are few who I can say I don't believe they are sincere when they say things to me, so them I just let it go.

I remember taking a test at church one Sunday last May about our Spiritual gifts. Mine scored high in areas that were quite shocking to me. As the pastor went through them and asked people to raise there hands if they had this or that, my friend sitting next to me kept saying, why didn't you raise your hand look you scored high on that one, or raise your hand higher. I told her that I think I scored it wrong these can't be right. She looked at me and said let me see it. Then she said to me I can totally see these in you. I was stunned, my husband said the same thing. I couldn't see them in myself, and kept telling myself that I would redo it later. I put the list away, and hadn't thought of it until just now. Funny I know where it is to it's in my workbook another friend gave us called Experiencing God. Guess it's time to look at the test and do that study.

So on with this journey I go. This morning I started praying for wisdom from God, and I believe He will give it to me. I'm trusting in Him to show me how to take out the root of these trees, and plant new and beautiful sweet truthful fruit.

Love,

Carol

Time For Friday Fill Ins

2009-01-16T17:38:00.000-08:00

Come along and play Friday Fill Ins.

And...here we go!

1. Enough with the this waste line off to Weight Watchers tomorrow for my first meeting.

2. Walmarts prices vs the crowds in the stores causes me to be conflicted as to whether it's worth the savings.

3. I've been craving a day a day of scrapbooking and creating.

4. My daughters 9 year old observations, and insight makes me laugh and make me think.

5. I wish I could go to Monetary next week with my husband for a much needed couples time.

6. Spending time with my mom more has been on my mind lately.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spending time with my family, tomorrow my plans include 1st ww meeting, grocery shopping, and helping my daughters mission project and Sunday, I want to connect with my friends at church, go visit my mom, and we've all got Monday off too to sleep in!

Renewing Your Thought Closet Ch. 2

2009-01-13T15:16:00.000-08:00

Welcome to week 2 in the Yes to God book study hosted by the fabulous Lelia. The book is Self Talk Soul Talk, by Jennifer Rothschild and it's been making me think. The quotes from the book are highlighted, so let's get into Renewing my Thought Closet.
I have to say I love the story of Jennifer's grandmother telling her to not watch "so-poppers" which translated from her southern drawl was Soap Operas. It reminded me of my Grandma, she'd watch me after school and instead of cartoons I grew up watching One Life to Live and General Hospital in black and white. Grandma would always say "I don't know why I watch these shows that just not real life" as we sat there everyday watching them with our Tea and Grandmas homemade sugar cookies. She's right though it took me years to give up those two shows, and in many ways they contributed to some of the voices and ideas in my thought closet. Jennifer says "We have borrowed unbecoming beliefs from other people and hung them in our thought closets. We have grabbed clumsy considerations and careless characterizations and made them part of our wardrobe even when they didn't come close to fitting us."

I have been in more than one relationship that was verbally abusive, and I know that those have filled a lot of my inventory in my closet. I think the others I went shopping in the same store because of what I was told, I believed it and so I purchased it over and over again. I've watched and listened to media that says I'm suppose to be one thing, yet that simply doesn't fit me or my life. I have had people make fun of the way I talk since I was a small child. I had a very bad lisp, and spent 6 years in speech therapy to get it as is now. It still makes me uncomfortable when people say something about it. I also have a higher pitched voice and people yes even adults comment about it. Even to this day I avoid talking in crowds (must be why I like blogging and emailing) When ever this comes up I go straight to my they don't like me box, or my they think I'm weird box and put on that rag.

I'm not sure about all of you but I've been being hit with a barrage of Self Talk all week even in my dreams. I think Satan is really upset by this study, and certainly doesn't want me to stop telling myself all the things I have been over the past week, it simply makes his job that much easier. Over the last week I've been feeling frustrated over my health situation, my AIH hasn't hasn't gone into remission, and I spend a lot of time home and not out and about doing things. This morning was really bad, to the point that my husband sat with me on the bed and said I'm worried you might be slipping into a depression. Wow that's a wake up call.

I've been really hard on myself calling myself names like; pathetic, fat, useless, boring, selfish, whinner and ugly. I actually have read Jennifer's chapter 2 twice and have underlined and highlighted it that I could almost quote the whole chapter in this post. But I won't, here are a few thoughts that I will read over and over again.

"If you have been labeled by some unfortunate words in the past.....then you to know how those words can have a hold on you. Until you choose to bring that out-of-place label into the light and make it line up with truth, it will control you. Instead of wearing it as a label, choose now to label it with the truth."

"When you talk to yourself, do you choose wise words? Are they words God would put His loving stamp of approval on? Are they like life-giving water, or do they drain away your vitality, leaving you parched, dry, and arid?"

"Words matter. We cannot risk speaking untruths to ourselves because of the strong likelihood that we will believe them."

Words do hurt they hurt when they come from other people (even when they are unintentional) and when destructive, condemning words come from your own thought closet they are even more damaging. It's easier to escape the words of others, but it's hard to escape yourself. But thankfully we can't escape God either I was drawn today to remember Psalm 139. There is so much hope and truth that we need to speak into ourselves. I keep my baby picture in my Bible with this Psalm, but I haven't visited that little one in a while.

Psalm 139:7-12 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hid me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you.

You see when we are stuck in our heads (thought closet) we really aren't alone God is there watching us rummage through those boxes and hangers deciding what label or name we'll choose. Jesus is there with us telling us that He has the perfect words for you, but at that moment we are trying to hide, we've got the ipod on as loud as it will go. But if we turn down the noise and before we start to put our labels on and say God I don't want to wear this anymore, I don't want to call myself word and names that you didn't create for me. Help me Lord to relabel these boxes, and fill me with your words and truth. He Will!!!! We've put these things in our closet, and sadly like bad memories we can't completely get rid of them. But Jennifer reminds us, "You can't remove those hurtful thoughts, words and memories, but by the power of God you can drain them of their potential control over you."

So now I'm going to start relabeling those thoughts, with Gods words. I will start to train myself to take my thoughts captive and replace them with God's words. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" 2 Corintihians 10:5. I need to pray this verse every time I start feeling those words come at me. Paul also tells us in Ephesians 4:22-24 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be me made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

My friend Kendal gave me this quote (I'm not sure who it's from she had it memorized, maybe Beth Moore) when Brett was going through the Recovery program, and I was going through a time when I discovering many things about him and myself. I would speak awful things about myself. I wrote it in my little bible that I keep at work, and God brought it to my mind this morning, right after Brett told me how worried he is about me. I thought I'd share it with you. "I have great worth apart from my performance because Christ gave his life for me and therefore imparted great value to me I am deeply loved fully pleasing, totally forgiven accepted and complete in Christ Jesus." I need to bring this one back up out of my thought closet I think it's in there amongst the ugly old boxes the ones so worn from years of pulling stuff out and putting stuff in, but this one is a beautifully wrapped gift that I've neglected to open in the last 2 years. I want to share it with all of you my friends. We can all unwrap this gift together, and replace our name calling with it.

Love,
Carol

Friday Fill-Ins: #106

2009-01-09T22:35:00.000-08:00

Friday Fill-Ins: #106

I've Joined the Friday Fill Ins

2009-01-09T22:19:00.000-08:00

1. It's January in California, so it's about 40 degrees outside, and I've finally convinced Brinn to wear her mocosians on the weekends instead of flip flops, at least until the next wave of 70 degree weather kicks in.
2. A little more sleep is what I crave most right now.
3. Cork and wine go together like well I'm not sure I don't drink wine. So in our house they go perfectly together like salt and pepper.
4. God's word is so nourishing.
5. Let us dare to look beyond apperances. Inspired by a blog post from Leslie Nease .
6. I want my home to be a place where people feel welcome, and my family wants to be.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a quiet night, tomorrow my plans include a girls day with my daughter, that includes Godiva Chocolate, Peet's Coffe, and manicures, pedicures and shoping and Sunday, I want to go to church, see my mom, and spends some more time cleaning that thought closet.

Ch 1 - Not So Well with My Soul

2009-01-07T14:47:00.000-08:00

It's the first chapter in the Yes To God Study hosted by Lelia. We are delving into the book Self Talk Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild. Lelia once again thank you for your openness and dedication to hosting these studies. You rock girlfriend. If you haven't stopped by and visited Lelia on her blog Write From the Heart, please do it will bless you, even more so visit some of our other fellow Yes To God bloggers, they are all wonderful women of faith and each has a unique story and the way the share it.

On with Chapter 1. Do you talk to yourself? I do, not always out loud, but there is always a dialog going on in my head. That's what this book is about. What we say to ourselves and how it can either be destructive or constructive. Self Talk, those things we tell ourselves about ourselves all that negative stuff we believe about ourselves.

Jennifer explains it this way, "We grow so accustomed to our own self talk that we don't even recognize its corrosive nature and the damage we're inflicting on our own souls." I don't know about you but that really hit me. How many times last year did I say to myself your not a good wife you can't hardly get off the couch, or look how you've let yourself go what happened to you, and on an on. You don't fit in with these people they don't want to be your friend. Then Jennifer hit me with this, "The truth is, our self talk actually begins to shape the life we live, affecting our very destiny. What you think and say to yourself will impact the texture, color, and music of your life." Wow, how true had that become for me.

I struggle with self-esteem, I can look at myself and have a flow of thoughts about how worthless, ugly, and unnecessary I am; not 30 seconds after my husband has totally told me the exact opposite. Jennifer likened the thoughts we store over our life time to a closet.

The thought closet, now what woman can't relate to a closet full of stuff we collected over time that is ugly and out dated, but for some reason we can't seem to let it go. She says this," I seem to have a secret closet tucked somewhere in the hallways of my mind. A thought closet. And what I had been storing n the closet wasn't good at all: shelves and racks and bins full of hidden thoughts, secret insecurities, lies, illusions, and reminders of former failures." Well back up the U-Haul ladies it's time to empty that closet and replace that Self Talk with Soul Talk.

Soul Talk is speaking the truth of the Scriptures and what God says to us and about us, and replacing that negative Self Talk with soothing loving words form our Lord that soothe our Souls. Words and dialouge that God wants us to know, believe and embrace about who He is, how much He loves us, and it's what He created us to be that we should focus our thoughts on, not the junk that we've filled our closet with.

This reminds me of when Brett was first in recovery. He would tell me about the constant battle he had with the thought of his own mind. His thought closet was full of condemnation, shame, embarrassment, and instructions of how to get pills, excuses to cover it, or how to get lost in the world of lust. It plagued him. I remember that in order to battle that he would go the the bible and he clung to these 3 Scriptures:
First one 2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.
The second was 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. This one he actually had on a dog tag he wore all the time.
The third one was the one Jennifer referred to in her book Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Brett did more than memorize these verses he would recite them whenever he felt those old nasty self talk would creep into his head. He was actually doing what Jennifer is telling us to do. He was replacing his destructive thoughts that had lead him into such darkness, and replacing them with promises from God and God transformed his thoughts and He promised.

So what's my inventory in my closet. After the last study I believe I've found the closet and turned on the lights. I found tons of negative ugliness in there, but I believe I started the removing of some of the negative and now there is more neutral than there use to be. I believe I'm ready now to do a deep cleaning of the closet, and remove those boxes from the 70's, 80's, 90's and even the recent ones added. I'm ready to fill my closet with Soul Talk. I'll leave you with the closing thought Jennifer had in Chapter 1.
"When you speak truth to your soul, you'll live out the truth. Your soul talk really can help it become well with your soul."

Love,
Carol

Truth Heals Chapter 10 Finally.

2009-01-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

It's time to start the new Yes To God Bible Study with Lelia over at Write From The Heart will be working through Self Talk Soul Talk by Jennifer Rothschild, but first I'd like to give you a few final thoughts on the last chapter of our last study Behind Those Eyes, by Lisa Whittle. Do to life circumstances I never got to finish the study with the rest of the ladies, but this book, the digging I did in my heart, and the incredible love support and new friendships I made I wanted to close it out. Plus I believe it was a great lead in to this next study.

The last chapter of Behind Those Eyes is Chapter 10 The Truth Heals. We started out with that The Truth Hurts, but through this process of looking behind all the masks and digging through some painful memories as well as admitting to pain I've caused others the final chapter title it true. You have to go through the pain to get to the healing.

Lisa wrote "Women, the truth does hurt: we are flawed...we are selfish...we are unlovely... and we are unworthy of the love of almighty God." That's all true I am everyone of those things, and that's a hard thing to admit, but thankfully the Truth doesn't end there. Lisa continues, "But fortunately for us, that is not the end of the story. There is more truth we should know. The truth is also that we are loved...we are accepted...we are wanted...we are important to God...and we are His beautiful creations. With that knowledge, strangely enough, the truth of our depravity now seems more like a gift than a curse. Together, these truths allow us to operate out of hearts of gratitude toward God and acceptance of ourselves so we can finally be the real us we were meant to be."

Have I found more truth about myself that has helped free me on some level? Yes, I am learning first to recognize who God made me to be, stripping off all those mask Ms. Perfection, Ms. Confidence, Ms. Happiness, and Ms. Spirituality caused me to look at who I really am, and not who I pretended to be and not who society expected me to be. Now I'm learning to embrace who God made me to be, and it's very freeing.

So who did God make me to be, well here is a bit of what I discovered. First I'm shy at first, but loyal to my friends. He's given me a compassionate heart for people who hurt, because he's brought me through many trials. I am not organized, or meticulous, and no matter how many day planners I buy I'll never look at them. I'm an artist at heart, and love to create. I am not good at networking (that's the shy thing) so I'm not signing up for any more multilevel marketing stuff. On the deeper side I've made bad choices, but now I'm learning that I don't have to define myself by those choices, because Jesus has wiped them clean and will use them in a positive way. The biggest lesson I'm learning is that the me I see in the mirror isn't the me that God sees. He sees my heart and He loves my heart, now He's teaching me to love that me even when the truth of the teaching can be painful God will heal me with the truth of Him.

Lisa listed some verses in the chapter that told us how much God loves us and told us to put our names in front of them. Doing that made them so personal I encourage your to do the same. Here they are, just remember to put your name in front of it. (I'm going to do a canvas with these for my daughter for her room) Carol, I love you so much that I took the time to create you. Gen 1:27, Carol, I love you so much that I desire to stay constantly connected to you 1Cor. 1:9, Carol, I love you so much that I know everything about you, even the numbers of hairs on your head. Matt 10:30; Luke 12:7, Carol, I love you so much that I forgave you for everything you have ever done. Ps 65:3, Carol, I love you so much that I died on the cross to save you. John 3:16-17, Carol, I love you so much that I am coming again to take you to a perfect place to live with Me forever. John 14:1-3

If you were not part of this study, I encourage you to read Lisa's book, I have my other thoughts on the chapters in the side bars and the things I've shared if you want to find out more of the journey I took through this book. Lelia, thank you for hosting this study and the faithfulness you had in leading it. Lisa thank you for answering God's call and for sharing so much of yourself in this book, and being a part of our study and the encouragement you gave through your comments. To all my new sisters I've made through Yes to God I love you all, your comments, love and support and prayers were felt. How I wish we weren't all spread all over the world. For now I'll send you all a big Cyber Hug.

Love,
Carol

Here's what I've been doing in December

2009-01-05T21:42:00.000-08:00

Well Happy New Year, are you ready for 2009? I didn't blog much in December, honestly it was busy, and well frankly I have to admit that I was spending way to much time on the computer. I have a love hate relationship with Facebook, it's so easy to get caught up in it. Especially all those little fun thingies you send back and forth. I do love Facebook though, it's fun to keep up with friends old and new on it.

I thought I'd share some highlights from the December activities in the Lueckfeld home, and a bit of our Christmas too. First up are pictures of us at Bethel Church in San Jose, our friends invited us to the Christmas performance the put on. It was impressive full Orchestra and all, what a talented group of people.

What would Christmas be with out kids and cookie making be? Brinn had two of her friends over to make Christmas Cookies and a sleep over. They had a blast mixing colors, and decorating the cookies.

The girls even made gingerbread shaped solider cookies. One of the girls brother was home on leave, and she made him a special cookie, with a special color mix of Army Green. Brinn made a cookie in honor of my father, the Grandpa she's hoping to meet in Heaven.

Brett is difficult to buy for, and the last couple years I've made him a gift. Last year I made him a scrapbook that represent his first 18 months of sobriety, and more importantly how God grew and changed him. For Father's day I altered a frame for him with the word Father and a scripture on it. For Christmas he asked me if I could make him something with the word TETELESTA which in the Greek mean's "It Is Finished" So the canvas below (sorry not a great picture) I made him using a print of the famous "Forgiven" painting, and 5 sections of scripture. John 19:28-30,(at the top) Jude 24-25 (at the bottom) Ephesians 1:7-8 (top left) Romans 6:6-7 (bottom left) and John 1:14 (right). It brought me such Joy to search the scriptures to find the ones that spoke to this picture and the amazing gift that was truly given to us on Christmas. Brett loves it and we'll hang it up this weekend next to his fathers day gift. Now the other pages are a sample of the calendar pages I made for gifts to my mom, grandma in law, mother in law and father in law. They are some of my favorite pictures through the year.

Okay, so now be kind, it's Christmas morning. Brett spoiled me and Brinn. I got jewelry, cd's and my new Tracy Jo Camera Bag with the matching camera strap. But my favorite is this statue I'm holding. It's Jesus and the Women at the Well. That section of the Gospel, is one where I've always heard Jesus speak to me. I love this, and the sweet carving of the lady in my new title picture was what Brinn picked out for me. She said it reminded her of me and I loved that when she sees a women arms stretched out looking to the heavens it makes her think of me. It sits in front of our wedding picture.

Brinn's gift to Daddy this year was a Polymer Clay Shark she made (with a bit of help from mom). Brett loves shark documentaries, and so Brinn was insistent that this is what she make. It really turned out good, and it has a smile, so it's a nice shark. Brett and I are the first to admit that we go way overboard at Christmas. We love giving our BooBear (as we call her) gifts, especially on Christmas. This year Brinn got lots of fun stuff, Cd's, puffels, and Lego sets. The big gift this year though was........ a Wii game.

As you can see she was excited. I've never been a big fan of video games, but I have to say that this one is fun. We also got the Wii fit board, very cool but a little unsettling. (I'll save that for another post. Even Nikita made out with her treats of extra thick beggins, which as you can see from the picture she is doing her one and only trick. And that's praise. Yep our dog praises!

And then she's thankful.

Well that's a brief highlight into December. We had a lot of other stuff going on too. I'll be back tomorrow to post with my bloggy sisters and the Yes to God Bible study.

Happy New Year to you all.

Love,

Carol

Aunt Sylvia

2008-12-17T09:12:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday my Aunt Sylvia's battle with cancer ended. I got the message from cousin Hugh Monday morning. He said they were all there with her. My Aunt was a wonderful lady. Even though through growing up are large families had let time pass by and slip into years without seeing each other, we all still love each other, and something just doesn't seem right to think Aunt Sylvia is not here anymore.

I have many fond memories of my Aunt. She always made us feel loved, and was always so giving. She loved her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren beyond herself. She was the heart of that family. She had a huge smile and always wore it, and she endured through many trials. She gave me my love of crafts. I remember going to her house, and she was always making something. She seemed to have no end to her talent, painting, sewing, creating she was truly gifted. Bowling was her passion, she was awesome at it, of course I'm still lucky to stay out of the gutter ball zone. The bowling alley was a second home, and I remember spending many birthday bowling parties there. She also made great cookies, and could make all those cool character cakes.

So I thought I'd share a couple pictures of my Aunt Sylvia. She was married to my Uncle Hugh for 50+ years, was a mom to 5 children, a grandma to 8 grandchildren, and great-grandma to 4 great-grandchildren. And a friend to more than you could count.

The first picture is my Aunt the night before her wedding to my Uncle I believe in 1956.

The next picture is a picture of my mom (on the left), and my Aunt blowing out my Aunt's birthday candles at her 70th birthday. The party was of course at a bowling alley.

The picture was taken this past August at the park for my mom's 80th birthday party. It was a blessing that we all got together that day. My mom and her brother are the two oldest of the four siblings. My mom's youngest brother was killed in a plane crash in 1973.

Mom had a stroke a few years back, and has difficulty remembering things, but I loved the way she lights up when she would see her little sister.

This last picture is my mom (left) the oldest sister, my Uncle Chuck (middle) the oldest brother and my Aunt Sylvia (right) the baby sister. This was taken in July of 2007 when my sister and I took my mom up to meet up with my Aunt at my Uncle's home. They enjoyed there visit, and so did we.

Please put my Aunt's family in your prayers, for comfort and peace. Thank you for letting me share just a bit about my Aunt Sylvia.

Love,

Carol

Completely Flawed Yet Forgiven Completely

2008-12-15T19:49:00.000-08:00

Well it might be over a month behind, but here it is Chapter 9 of Lisa Whittle's book Behind Those Eyes. The study was hosted by Lelia over at Write From The Heart as part of the Yes to God Bible study. If you go to her and Lisa's blog you can find previous posts by both of them. Sadly I fell very behind when I got the flu in November but have promised myself and more importantly God that I would complete my study, that has challenged me and really changed my life. So after this I have one more chapter I will write on before the end of the year.

As always the Lisa's words will be highlighted.

Ephesians is one of my favorite books in the Bible. It has ministered to me throughout the last 2 1/2 years, Paul tells us how completely God loves us, not because of anything we did but because He created us. For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as his sons (and daughters (my addition)) through Jesus Christ in accordance with His pleasure and will-- to the praise of His glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace Ephesians1:4-7.

Through Jesus' death on the cross we have complete forgiveness. The slate was wiped clean, by Jesus and Jesus alone. Nothing we have ever done, or will do will secure us in the Kingdom of God, not how many payers, not what we do or say, how nice we are, how much money we give, or even going to church on Sundays, nothing but the blood of Jesus will give us complete and total forgiveness in the eyes of God. The best part is that once we embrace that truth and fall in love with Jesus, nothing can take it away. Even when we completely screw up.

Lisa says:" the truth that we women, as people and as followers of Christ are completely flawed and yet forgiven completely..... We are sinful, down to our soul" What an amazing truth. When you read it, it's a bit of a mind twister, but it's true.

In John 19: 28-30 it tells us this about the death of Jesus Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, "I am thirsty." A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus' lips. When he had received the drink, Jesus cried out "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

Jesus didn't say I'm through for now I almost fulfilled the scripture. It said seeing the scripture complete he cried out IT IS FINISHED. Jesus completed the atoning of the sins of all the world FINISHED. Lisa talks about absolute words in relation to forgiveness in the Bible, words like always, totally, fully and completely - why are they important. Because they show us the fullness of Gods love and Jesus' sacrifice and His perfection.

But there is another side to this and that's us and our complete imperfection. Even though we've been redeemed and forgiven we are still trapped in our sinfully fleshly bodies and we sin daily. From a small sin like lying to someone to get out of something you don't want to do to the biggies like that could find you a feature on the Nancy Grace show. Here's the kicker even though we have a rating scale and can justify different sins, God sees all sin equally, and Jesus' death on the cross renews our slate daily. Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sins are put out of sight. Romans 4:7 NLT If we were perfect and without sin, Jesus wouldn't have had to suffer and give His life for us.

Lisa explains it in away I hadn't though about "we can't accept only the good part of this equation (that we are forgiven completely), leaving out the part we don't particularly like (that we completely flawed). It can't work that way, and here's the reason: because being completely fleshly and flawed from top to bottom and from tip to toe makes room for us to be forgiven in an entirely equal way. And Knowing that makes the beauty of the completeness of the act of forgiveness by almighty God that much more meaningful and incredible and real in our lives."

Being perfect is not our role here as believers. Our role is to share the Gospel and one way to do that is to let other people see your flaws and mistakes to His Glory. It's not until we are in God's Kingdom that we will be without our sin nature.

Sin Nature in our house we call it the fleshies. It's that part of us that is easily tempted, distracted, impatient, selfish, and is driven by our emotions and fears. It's why we are completely flawed. It's why the idea of complete and total forgiveness is a hard concept for so many of us. It's what Satan uses to try and convince us that we can't be totally forgiven, and it's what keeps us from totally forgiving others.

We are called to forgive others after all there isn't one of us that hasn't completely blown it. I know for myself learning to forgive people for the hurt I've felt has been a long road, and one I'm still traveling down for some pains. Just when I think I've forgiven completely something sparks a memory of the past pain, and boom I hit that rewind button. Then old Satan kicks in and adds his two cents. I'm getting better, now when that rewind button goes off on something I thought I forgiven someone for or myself for I start praying and praising God, and God soothes my sole as he reminds me that I am his beloved child.

Through out this study I along with the other ladies have revealed many of our flaws and struggles. Through all of the posts I was ministered to by women who are waiting on God, still hurting, but still finding comfort in God and others who have walked through a trial and are now helping others through a similar trial. God takes our times when we follow our Sin Nature and get ourselves in trouble to draw us closer to Him and reveal and rework our hearts and then take our bad choices and our reworked heart, and uses it to reveal Himself to us and to the people around us.

Father, your love that you have for me is greater that anything in my life, I've never been worthy of the sacrifice you gave by giving up your son, but my life would be nothing without it. Thank you for freeing me from the path of destruction I was on. Thank you for constantly showing me your love and grace evem when I was running the opposite way. I pray for my friends and family who don't know your love and mercy, and pray that you would speak into their hearts. In Jesus name Amen.

Love,

Carol

My Little Angel

2008-12-08T22:05:00.000-08:00

One quick post. My friend Chrissy took this picture at our churches (The Highway Community) Christmas show this past Sunday. I love it. Thanks Chrissy for sending it.

Your Chance at Winning a Bracelet

2008-12-08T21:40:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends,

Loni over at BraceletStories who created the beautiful bracelet I won is hosting a give away on her blog.

You must swing by and check it out. She has a variety of ways to get entered in her drawing, and believe me, her bracelets are even prettier in person. I just love mine. Here is another sample of her bracelets.

Don't forget to enter. Have fun.

Love,

Carol

Look What I Won

2008-12-04T20:06:00.000-08:00

Isn't this beautiful! It was made just for me by Loni at Bracelet Stories
Please take the time to visit her website, and make sure you read her story, she started this website to make bracelets for grieving moms, and she shares her story about the loss of her son, and God's Grace. She's also graciously offered anyone who links over from my blog 10% off their bracelet, just tell them Carol from the Facebook contest sent ya. The 3 colored stones represent our family. The left stone is my birthstone, the middle stone is Brinn's birthstone, and the right stone is Brett's. I chose this to represent the family that God put together, and sealed it with the adoption of Brinn by Brett on April 1, 2008.

How did you win you may ask. Well I'm on Facebook, and I have joined the Christian Women Online group on Facebook they have these contest and you post something on the wall of the group, and then they randomly draw you, and I got picked. It was a little surprise gift from God. You can link to my Facebook sight from my blog it's down there in the side bar, come join us.

Thanks Loni I love it, and thanks Darlene from CWO.

Wow it's Been So Long

2008-12-04T18:48:00.000-08:00

It's been so long since I was able to actually sit and write I had to reread my last post to see what I said. So I'll give you a little catch up. My cold turned into a respiratory infection, and I was super sick. Thank you for all your prayers, God finally brought me through that, and I was able to go back and work.

Then the Friday before Thanksgiving, Brett hit his head and cut it on a breaker door panel, which turned into a concussion, so he had an extended vacation doctors orders. He was better by Thanksgiving.

We had a quiet Thanksgiving, went to my mother-in-laws and she made a yummy feast, then we stopped by and said hi to my sister.

We tried to avoid the shopping crowds on Black Friday, but we did venture out for a Christmas Tree and Brinn's annual Christmas ornament and Snow Globe. Target wasn't bad, but had no real good ornaments. So then we went to Kohl's wowsers, I've never seen a line so long, there were two that literally wrapped around both sides of the store and ended in the back. There is literally nothing I could find that would be worth the wait in a line that long.

So we did find the new ornament this year at of all places Longs Drug store, good old Hallmark ornaments, we've got Snoopy and Woodstock on a gingerbread version of Snoopy's dog house.

Then it was off to get the tree. It's not big but we had fun decorating it. Here's a few pictures of the decorating. The beads Brinn is wearing have become a tradition. When Brinn and I had our first very own Christmas Tree she was about 18 months old, she found the beads and had them all over her. Now she models them every year for me. As you can see she really gets into the modeling.

Every year since Brett became a part of our Christmas he lifts her up to put on the tree top Angel, I'm not sure how long he'll be able to continue this, won't be long until she doesn't need a boost up.Here is our little tree in all it's lighted glory. I love to have the lights off and look at the tree.

So this is a bit of our Thanksgiving weekend. We are very blessed to have a home and the ability to get a tree. I've been feeling so thankful this year, the Lord has watched over us and blessed us so. My health is improving, my husband is growing in his faith and soaks in the scriptures. Our daughter is just a rey of light, it amazes us how she's starting to see the differences between the worlds view of whats okay and what God wants for her. We pray that she continues to choose God's view. I've made many new friends and we love our church.

My mom continues to heal, she had her stitches out today, and I'll see her this Saturday. Sadly my Auntie is loosing her battle with cancer and my sister and I are taking her over to see her for what is probably the last time. We will also see my Uncle so they will all be together. Please pray that there will be joy amongst the sorrow, and that Jesus will be seen and glorified.

To all my Yes to God Friends I'm working on my post for the last 2 chapters, sorry for the delay. I will be continuing to enjoy reading your blogs and praying for you, and can't wait to do the next study with all of you.

I'm Still Here

2008-11-18T18:10:00.000-08:00

Well I had every intention of posting my Yes to God study last week, but then wamo I got hit with a cold on Thursday night, and Wednesday was homework make up night, so it never happened. I've been home wrapped in a blanket in a congested fog since Thursday night.
Because of my medical condition I have trouble fighting off colds and other nasties.

So I'm hopping to read all of your posts for the last week, and I'm hoping to post a combo of the last 2 chapters.

Thank you all for the prayers for my mom. She's doing well and is home again. My brother said she doesn't have any pain, because she has very little feeling in as a result from the stroke. So now my mom has pins and plates permanently in her arm. I talked to her Saturday she sounded good, and hopefully I'll get to go see here this weekend providing my cold starts to subside.

That's it for now.

Love,
Carol

Prayer Request/ Weekend Things

2008-11-12T11:01:00.000-08:00

First things first, could you all pray for my mom. She just had surgery yesterday on her elbow. She broke the tip off of it two weeks ago, and had to have extensive surgery on it. The surgery went well, but now it's recovery time. Mom's 80, and has auditory aphasia from a stroke, so it's hard for her to talk to people she doesn't know. She sounded really nervous to about staying in the hospital. She doesn't really remember the time she spent in the hospital when she had her stroke. So I'm asking for prayer for healing, and comfort. Also for God to strengthen my sister who takes her to all these appointments, and for my sister-in-law Jill who will care for her at home, while she's homeschooling 3 kids. Thanks everyone.

Well I had been planning to have my study done, but that didn't happen. So I'll hopefully post tomorrow. This weekend was busy, but it was that kind of busy where your like now what happened. We had friends over for dinner Saturday night and watched a movie. The kids played so it was a just a good evening.

I got a call from my niece Amy on Saturday, and she had some time off school and wanted to know if we'd be around to come over and get some help on her Senior Year Scrapbook, and spend some time with Brinn. So she came over Sunday afternoon. We did one scrap page, she really is a talented scrapper she just needed a boost. I asked about her college app, she wants to go to a private Christian College, and was invited to the early application process. She done everything except the essay. She said she said she was having trouble transferring what was in her brain to the paper. So I asked her if she wanted help, since I can usually transfer my thoughts into words.

The thing I enjoyed was the conversation with her about why she wanted to go to this school, and how the foundation of the schools biblical ethics would influence her. She shared with me when Jesus became her savior, not just the chosen faith of her parents. All of the community service and outreach she's done, and how it had impacted her. We even talked about the election, and the challenges of being in the world but not of it. She also gave me some insight on areas that Brinn will struggle with that I never did as a teen. I got to share with her, and she knows that I've had a lot of sin in my life, but as she gets older it's easier to share more openly with her.

So we got through the essay, and I told her now you have some thoughts, but make sure you get someone who's actually applied for a college to proof it and fine tune it. I have no idea what the schools look for, my college career was trade schools more or less, and some community college thrown in. I think I probably was more blessed by it than she was. So if you think of it pray for Amy, she's getting ready to leave the nest and go into a very sin filled world. Pray that God holds her close, and she holds close to God and continues to grow in that faith.

Thanks, and hope to post my Yes to God study tomorrow.

Love,
Carol

Awards to Share and Walk A Thon News!

2008-11-07T22:11:00.000-08:00

I was blessed by two of my blogging buddies with these blog awards, and I've been so crazy busy that I haven't had time to grab them or pass them on. Thank you both so much the are my first awards.

The Smile Award is from my friend Naomi over at Among the Gum Trees. Thanks sweety you make me smile too. You have to name 6 things that make you smile. And pass it on to 6 friends. For this one I'll pass it on to Paula Sweet Pea, Rochelle, Tammy, Laura, Lelia, and Heather. If you come and play let me know. So here are the 6 things that make me smile:

1. Ease dropping on the conversations my daughter and husband have in the morning. They are always so sweet.

2. Hearing my daughter laugh.

3. Finishing a scrapbook page, and I like it.

4. My dog and the funny way she follows me everywhere even when she's completely comfortable.

5. My daughter and her friends singing in the back seat to the Jonas Brothers.

6. Getting a Hot fudge sundae with jamoca almond fudge ice cream yummy.

This award came from my friend Connie, and so now I'm going to tag 6 more people, with this award. (And as a small disclaimer, I find all my friends make me smile and are Kreativ, but I had to pick and it was hard.) So the tag is to name 10 things that make you happy. So the taggies are: Lilly, Liz, Tasra, Lee, Victoria, Pamela

Okay now 10 things that make me happy:

1. The spontaneous I love yous from my daughter and my husband.

2. Seeing my husband study the Bible. (a prayer answered)

3. The Women's retreat I go on every year with my sister.

4. Being at the beach with my family.

5. My quiet time in the morning spent with God.

6. Listening and singing my favorite worship songs.

7. Date Nights with my husband.

8. Girls night with my daughter.

9. Spending the evening hanging out with friends and family.

10. Watching my daughter run to Family Night at Church because she has so much fun there.

Okay so there it is. There was another tag that Naomi gave me, which involved reading. But I'm going to save that for another day.

WALK A THON UPDATE

Have Won the Prestigious Golden Shoe

Yes the 4th grade class raised the most money per student and will be amply rewarded with Pizza, Ice Cream, and will keep the coveted Golden Shoe (a bronzed Reebok) in their class for the rest of the year. Fourth Graders you Rock.

Seriously this was a huge deal. Brinn on the way to school yesterday had this conversation with Brett:

Brinn: Daddy they are going to announce the winner of the Golden Shoe today during Chapel. I hope we win, our class has never won.

Daddy: Well I know, but you all did good, and if you don't win you have to be happy for those who do. The walk-a-thon was for fun, and to raise money for all the classes, and to glorify God, by doing your best.

Brinn: I know, but really Daddy if we don't when we either really suck, or were cursed.

Daddy: Well I don't think your either, if you don't win this year, you could win next year. But really Boo, God loves you and your not cursed.

Cursed wow that was a strong word. I think she's been listening to the Deuteronomy sermons with her dad again. lol.

So Thursday at about 11:30 I got a call on my cell phone from a very excited little Girl. Mommy Mommy it's Brinn we won the Golden Shoe, and the whole class screams. So sweet. The best part was they were all excited, but her teacher shared with us today at Teacher Parent conference, that the whole class showed great sportsman ship. They just went out on the playground and it was like nothing had happened, no bragging just good sportsman ship. He said he just sat out their and watched them play he was really proud of them.

So that's about it for now. Not sure what the weekend holds for us, but I'm hoping to get my Bible study done before Tuesday. That would be very cool.

Love,

Carol